What happens when you go swimming in the rain? You get wet.

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A kid asks his mom: "Mom, what would I be when I grow up?" And so his mother answers: "You won't grow up, you have cancer"

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What's the difference between a red shirt and a blue shirt? one is red and one is blue

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Whats better then free candy from a guy in a van? Trying to find his lost puppy so his kids don't cry.

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A man walks into a bar. He leaves a large rucksack by the pool table and walks out. The rucksack then explodes and kills 13 people because it is the height of the Troubles and the man is a member of the IRA, who targetted the bar because it is regularly visited by British servicemen. The media extensively cover the story, and the two sides of the conflict in Northern Ireland decide that the bloodshed must stop, which eventually made way to the Good Friday agreement of 1998.

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Why did the rapper carry an umbrella? Because the weather report said there was a 90% chance of rain, and he didn't want to get his posh new coat wet on the way to the studio

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A blonde walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What're you drinking?" The blonde says, "Nothing yet. That's why I'm in a bar. But your lack of basic observation skills is disturbing."

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Why did the girl fall of the swing? I hit her with an axe.

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How do you make someone laugh? Tell them this joke.

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Knock Knock Who's There? Children Protective Services. Your kids are dead.

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What do you call a Welshman with a stick up his arse? A very odd man

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what did the aboriginal kid get for christmas? your bike.

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Two elves walk into a bar. The hobbit laughs and walks under it.

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what is sadder than lost in a ps4 game ? Your mom's funeral, she died in a horrible accident yesterday

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What do a purple cow and a red fire engine have in common? Both like eating pizza on Fridays, except for the red fire engine.

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whats shaped like a tree. A tree.

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What do you call a boy with no arms and no legs that gets stepped on a lot? Mat.

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What do you call your female dog? Your bitch

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What did one pig say to the other pig while sitting in the bathtub? No thanks I already have a typewriter.

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Jon walked into a bar. Ouch.

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What kind of movies do pirates like? They don't know, Somalia doesn't have much of a film industry.

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Why did Johnathan drop his popsicle? He was hit by a bus. Knock knock? Who's there? Not Johnathan

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dad said he had to drop the kids off at the pool what does that mean mom? honey it means dad has to take a shit beacuase shit looks like retarded black kids with down sydrome

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Three men were on a plane. Oh wait. You probably already heard this one.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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