Why did the man drive a van? So he could keep the stuff he stole.

Yo mama's so fat, that she died from obesity.

A man attempts to sign in to PlayStation Network... And succeeds, proceeding to enjoy the console's numerous award winning exclusive titles such as LittleBigPlanet and Uncharted 2, along with utilizing the system's Blu Ray capabilities and playing with his friends online in an absolutely free network, on what many consider to be the superior console to the Xbox 360.

Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

I know how to make a brilliant telescope out of an empty jar, some leather, a string and a brilliant telescope.

Your mmma is so stupid when we said the drinks were in the house. She went looking for them!

Q: What's worse than getting a divorce? A: I don't know, i'm still married.

Why was the strict Asian father angry when his son got an A- on his test? He found out that his son had been cheating.

You go to the Anti Joke website, what do you find under the "newest" section? Black jokes.

How did the clown crash his car? A horrible tornado chrashed through the town.

Knock Knock! Who's There? Billy Sup Billy, come on in!

Q: How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Let's go ride bikes!

What's purple and fuzzy? A piece of purple fuzz.

how do you save a car from falling out of an airplane? I don't know.

Why did billy fall off his bike? Because billy was a loaf of bread.

Ok so im on antijoke.com and they tell me i can write my own joke... so i did.

What's red and can sing? Elmo

What do you get when you stab a baby? A dead baby.

Roses are grey Violettes are grey I am colour blind And I suck at rhymes

Why do alcoholics use brown bags? Because they are ashamed of what they have become and seek to repress their guilt by entering into denial.

Why did the blond fall down? She died.

What can kill you when it falls out of a tree? Anything of a considerable weight actually.

Why did Little Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

Roses are red Violets are blue Grass is green Skies are blue

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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