if you have 2 apples and 3 oranges in one hand, and 4 oranges and 1 apple in the other, what do you have? very large hands.

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A miserable man committed suicide.

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Obama One Big Ass Mistake America

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Guess what? Chickenbuttt hahahah! lolomfg

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There were two muffins in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Does it feel hot in here?". The other muffin says back, "Holy crap! It's a talking muffin!".

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Roses are red, violets are blue, i suck a poetry now show me your tits!!!

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If Santa and a Blonde woman jump off a building who hits the ground 1st? They both do due to Galileo's discovery of two objects with different masses but similar densities hit the ground at the same time.

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A man approaches an attractive young woman at a party. He asks her if a rag smells like chloroform and proceeds to hold the rag up to her face. She passes out, the man takes her into a nearby bedroom and rapes her. He casually leaves the party. He will most likely continue this vile act for years to come.

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Q:Why did the boy drop his ice cream? A: A terrorist threw a refrigerator at him then slapped the ice cream out of his hand

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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They sent her to her room without dinner.

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Those that want what is best for me, shall listen to me and do only whatever I want. Those that want ONLY what is best for me, underestimate me greatly. You who stand in the way if my will, claiming you want what is best for me, better move aside.

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What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A Carrot.

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whats worse than finding a dead cat in your kitchen? a dead cat in your bedroom

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One morning a guilty man reluctantly told his wife he was having an affair. After a long awkward silence they were then abducted by aliens.

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One linners President Kinnedy did you like the parade President Lincon did you like the play

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what happened to the chicken who crossed the road he didn't realize that the light was green

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What did the drunk man say to the average civilian? Blahaahahahahahuhuh!

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Why do most married men die before their wives? Men have on average a shorter life expectancy than women.

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Why a polar bear fell over? He drank so much

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A Johnson walks into a hole. Why am I in this hole? Because rape is not an option.

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What's worse than seven babies in a trashcan? Not much.

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What do you call it when you have sex with a black man? Sex

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I couldn't afford haircuts so I purposely contracted cancer

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What did God say when he made the first black person? I have just added a significant element of diversity to the human species. Intolerance between ethnicities will surely prove to be an obstacle in societal progression, creating hardships for many. I know this because I am God.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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