- Anti Joke

Q. what is your favorite food? A. Chicken, burritos, sandwich, rice, hot dog, turkey, duck, carrot, broccoli, eggplant, apple, blueberry, pear, raspberry, blackberry, orange, grapes fries, chips, cheese, pretzels, worms, and candy canes.

Why was this German dude's water bill so high this month? Because there were thirty dead Jews in his shower. --ZeNaziGermanDoctor

Why did Jenny cry? Because everyday Jenny is bullied. Jenny cried for this reason, but nothing happened. The bully still bullies her today.

Q:Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable A:The Wheelchair

A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead." Ha! It is funny because the squirrel gets dead.

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

Son: "Mommy That Boy Over There Beat Me Up" Mom: Good I Like When You Suffer

Four men are stranded on a small desert island. The first of them decides to build a raft out of bamboo, but it only has room for one passenger. "Don't worry, I will get help when I reach civilization!" he shouted to the men on shore as he left, but a band of pirates killed him in the middle of the ocean. The second castaway was more clever, and built a submarine out of bamboo and sealed it with hides of animals they had killed. He counteracts the buoyant force with sand. In this way, he planned to avoid the pirates by being underwater. "Don't worry, I will get help when I reach civilization!" he exclaimed as he sealed the one person sized chamber of his submarine, but not far off shore, he runs out of oxygen and suffocates to death. The third castaway learned from the mistakes of the first two, and in spite of the unpredictability of handcrafted aerial vehicles, he makes a glider. "Don't worry, I will get help when I reach civilization!" he shouts from the hill top of the island as he leaps off and glides over the horizon. Though the journey is fraught with peril, he makes it back to civilization and is reunited with his family. It is expensive, but he prepares an expedition back to the island where his fourth comrade remains. It is worthy to note that on this small island, all the means of making shelter had been used up in the construction of the raft, submarine, and glider. The fourth castaway was found dead from exposure to the elements.

What did the french toast say to the french fry? I don't know, I don't speak french.

What's green and has wheels? Your mom.

-Why did Sally fall off the swing? Why? -She had no arms. -Knock, knock. Who's there? -Not Sally.

Roses are red Grass is greener I think of you when I play with my weiner

Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms.

What do democrats and fire have in common? They both do damage

What do you call a midget mixed with a T. rex? Dinosaurs are dead and this is a highly un probable situation. Therefore, I do not know.

what do you get when a white woman and black man have a child? either a girl or a boy

What sound does a dog make? WOOF What sound does a cat make? MEOW What sound does a giraffe make? ...

"How high are you?" "I don't know, sir." "Well, look at the god damn altimeter."

A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

HAVE A GOOD DAY. DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

knock knock whose there? you have AIDS

What do you call a full refrigerator? A freezer

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, My vagina is Red, Im on my period.

Why was the man lying under a sheet. Because he was dead.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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