A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

whats the difference between a pizza and a jew? Pizza is not human, Jewish people are.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

When life gives you lemons, take them. Free stuff is cool.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Mom mom momie mom mom mom mom momie mother mother. What! Hi.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How did the man want his hair cut? In silence.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Jon walked into a bar. Ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

a woman walks into a bar, she was quickly kicked out and escorted back to the kitchen

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the man apologize to the other man, after he had hit him with an axe? He didn't. The man was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are red Violets are blue i have aides egg

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why was the boy sad? Because a freak accident killed his mum his dad his best friend and he lost both his legs and is unable to feed himself

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the boy fail the math test? He has a learning disability.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How do two blondes stay alive at the bottom of a pool for 30 minutes? They don't and they died

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What time is it in China right now? I have no idea, it would depend on when you are reading this. Perhaps you should look at a world clock, watch, or some other sort of time-telling device rather than humorous website. Its purpose is not to tell time. However, there are many other places for this. Good luck surfing the web, friend. I have aided you the best that I can. I only hope that you will find what you are looking for.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Ask me if I'm a tree "are you a tree?" No

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What is frowned upon no matter what country you're in? Sex on a plane.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Neither has he.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are red Violets are blue Most rhymes rhyme But this one doesnt

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call an Aboriginal in a yellow sleeping bag? An organised man, ready for the harsh winter ahead.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

So i know this guy... yes? thats it.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Who ya gonna call? ... Whoever you need to talk to at the current time.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

An englishman, a german and a ginger are in a band. they play some creative music that some people may find enjoyable to listen to and would like to purchase a track.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

two japanese men walk into a bar. the first japanese man says “i am japanese!” the second japanese man says “i am also japanese!” the bartender then says “well, hey. i’m japanese too”. the bar was in japan.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why was the chicken angry? Because he was tired of everyone questioning his motives.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a rapist

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops