If I was in a room with Osama bin laden and george bush, and my friend. And I had a gun with two bullets, I'd shoot my friend twice.

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How do you get your lawyer to shut up. Hit him with a bat.

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Bob has 80 chocolate bars, he gives 5 to his uncle,10 to his mother and 8 to his freind. He then eats 40 chocolate bars. Q. How many chocolate bars has bob got left now? A. Bob has no chocolate bars left. Shortly after Bob ate 40 bars he was diagnosed with diabetes. He then died of a heart attack due to high cholesterol.

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I was about to do an triathlon, but i took an arrow to the knee. It got infected and i promptly died two days later.

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What did the man do when he crossed the road? Nothing he got hit by a car

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Go ask your mom.

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a blonde, brunette and a red head are all goin to jump off a bridge and turn into something. the brunette jumps and says fish, and she turns into a fish. the red head says eagle and becomes an eagle. the blonde gets a running start, but then trips on the way off and she says shit and turns into a piece of shit.

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How many black teachers does it take to figure out 10 x 30. only one shes a very respected teacher

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What did Reed read? A. Read?

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What did the Religious Education teacher teach on National Science Day? Religion, because that is the teacher's job.

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I got stopped for speeding the other day. The policeman said I had to pay a £50 fine. I was gutted. However, later that night I had amazing sex with my wife, which helped me to take my mind off things a bit.

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whats white and black, and red all over, kiren poping jacob cherry

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Why did Julia fall of the swings? She had no arms. Knock knock? Who's there? Not Julia.

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Sally heard a scream in a dark room and went to go see who it was. Knock Knock! Who's there? Not Sally...

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How did the boy escape the burning building? He didn't. He burned and when to hell like everyone else.

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A man walks into a bar. Splash.

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'knock knock' 'Who's there?" "the mailman, Ive got mail for you"

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Vagina (Note: If you are gay just move on by.)

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Jack: Hey, you know what sucks? Jill: Vacuums Jack: Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense? Jill: Black holes Jack: Hey, you know what just isn't cool? Jill: Lava?

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Why was the girl running out of the school? Because her principal was trying to rape her.

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No your aunties a joke

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How do you break your fan in the summer You dont its hot and you need it

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What's small, white, and it killed Bruce Lee? Aspirin.

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Roses are nice, Violets are glorious, Try not to scare, Oscar Pistorius.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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