Why did the overweight black man wake up & then not get out of bed? He was paraplegic.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Charles Grodin. Charles Grodin who? Exactly.

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A Christian and an atheist are in a bar. Neither one knows the other's religion and they continue to drink.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad your whole family isn't dead from a fatal car accident?

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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This is a shovels and rakes conversation. No hoes allowed.

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because he was content where he was.

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What has two legs and bleeds between them? The back half of a dog with a deep cut in its belly.

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Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms? Because they weren't invented when he was alive.

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What happened to the boy who crossed the road without looking both ways? He was abducted by aliens.

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A kid who lost parents is called an orphan and a wife who lost her husband is called a widow. What do you call parents who lost their child? Free on the Weekends.

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what looks about a computer which has two wheels? a bike. i lied about the computer...

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Q: How did the man walk across the road? A: With his own 2 feet!

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Why was 7 afraid of 8? Because 8 knifed 10.

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What did the catholic priest do to the little boy in the Confessions Took his confessions

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Knock knock I don't even have a door just walk in

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Why did the piece of gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chicken's foot.

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What has equally bad consequences as breaking someone's leg in front of the local authorities? Breaking your own leg on purpose in front of the local authorities.

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Roses are red violets are blue I have five fingers the middle one is for you.

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why did the monkey fall out of a tree?? a snail threw a refridgerator at him

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What did the commentor say when he saw the "waht's worse than finding a worm in your apple...the holocaust." joke? I am offended to your cruel referance to worms.

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Why doesn't a duck's quack echo? Evolution.

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what do you call a baby with a stamp on his nose.? Kentucky won the national championship this year

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What do you do to a brain dead man to get his money? Pull the plug.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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