How do you make a kids parents mad? Fly an SR71-BLACKBIRD into him.

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whats worse than 10 dead babies nailed to one tree? 10 living babies nailed to one tree

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Why didnt Steve Jobs make an iphone 5? He died

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Q. What has 5 chins, 10 eyes, 10 feet, and 50 fingers? A. Five People.

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Why is the sky blue during day? Because it would be night if it was black.

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I need a way to meet local babes and get ripped in 4 weeks. Shame there aren't any popularly advertised methods of doing that around here...

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Why are babies like shake weights? Cause If you shake them long enough, they both end up being inanimate objects.

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hows your wife she died 7 years ago really mine too

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what goes in hard and comes out soft? bubblegum, what were you thinking?

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What did the boy say to the elders at the senior center? Dayum, you're all ugly!

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why did the little girl throw a clock out of the window? because she wanted to see time fly

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A white man walked into a bar, and an indian walked into a totem pole...

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What's worse than crying over spilt milk? The Holocaust.

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I am in love with pizza. It was a friday night and i was hanging around with my so called friends 'banana-rama' 'pearman' and 'peaches' (keep in mind these are all fruit). I ordered a pizza from Poker Pizza and it came an hour later i brung it to my kitchen and i opened the box. It was lovely. I eat it, i soon realized that I had eat my one true love and decided to order another pizza.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

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What did micheal Jackson get for Christmas?a restraining order!

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whats black and large -me

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? A vet.

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how could you not hav not died of dehyderation?

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Why was the teenage girl pregnant? She got raped by her dad.

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A man gets a paternity test. It's better than beating his wife senseless due to his own insecurity.

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what did the doctor say to another doctor? we are doctors

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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