- Anti Joke

What do you give a homeless person? Poop in a bottle.

What did Sherlock Holmes say when he saw a very pretty lady? Hello

What did the cat say to the hamster? Meow

What did the computer say to the mouse? Nothing inanimate objects cant talk

Roses are red, Here's something new. Violets are violet, Not f***ing blue.

Q: why wasn't the fan spinning? A: because it wasn't on. Duh....

Q: What do you call a room full of black people? A: A Social Gathering.

How many dead babies can you fit in the trunk of a car? Depends on the car.

a man about 65 years old is tired with his life. he begins to realize that it is meaningless to him. whil on his way to commit suicide, he comes across a man with a magicul offer. the magical man is offering to grant him the power to fly. although, the magical man wants something in return. the 65 year old man, says to himself, "i have nothing to lose". so he gives the magical man all his money and possesions he has with him. with a flick of his wrist, the magical man says, "ok, you have now been granted the power to fly". the 65 year old man, overjoyed of how he has the ability to fly runs to the nearest cliff and jumps. too bad the magical man was really male prostitute broke out of money and tricked the 65 year old man into beleiving that he had magical powers to grant him the power to fly. the 65 yeard old man died from impact and the male prostitute walked away with a wallet full of money.

Chuck Norris doesn't drive a car. He tells the car where to go!

A lady in a bank was asked by the clerk to round the sum she wanted to raise from her account. She rounded it several times, but the clerk continued to insist that the sum needs to be rounded. She left the bank confused, with a coupon consisting of completely rounded sum of 691, 88$. Next day she returned with a coupon with a rounded sum of 690,88$. The clerk asked again the lady to round the sum. The lady started helplessly to cry and said she had rounded is already with a harp, and couldn't make it round anymore, she even removed the sharp 1 from the sum.

Well, you need to develop a particular mindset, and while scienTITS claim that its not logical so it does not work... Well, SUGAR, thing is that the mind and emotions, cannot be explained logically either. Let me expand your mind (if I have not already) A astronomer meets up with a brain surgeon, the Astronomer says to the brain surgeon: I do not believe in god. Why? says the brain surgeon. Because I have studied most of the outer space and never found seen any trace of God.

Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it thought it was a game. Why did the tree fall over? Because it thought it was a squirrel.

eoin burgin is fat

Why did the cops beat up rodney king? Resisting arrest.

Have you heard about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problems out with a pencil... It was a #2 pencil

Q. What has 5 chins, 10 eyes, 10 feet, and 50 fingers? A. Five People.

Why didnt Steve Jobs make an iphone 5? He died

I need a way to meet local babes and get ripped in 4 weeks. Shame there aren't any popularly advertised methods of doing that around here...

hows your wife she died 7 years ago really mine too

What did the boy say to the elders at the senior center? Dayum, you're all ugly!

what goes in hard and comes out soft? bubblegum, what were you thinking?

Why are babies like shake weights? Cause If you shake them long enough, they both end up being inanimate objects.

Why is the sky blue during day? Because it would be night if it was black.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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