A man walks into a bar. He orders a drink.

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what in the world is smarter than the world's smartest man? Nothing he is the smartest man.

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Why does the man have mayonaise in his pants? A: I don't know, I was hoping you could tell me.

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A Chinese man and an African man walk into a bar. Its good to see so much multiculturalism in a usually racist society.

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1 111111 1 1 11111111111 1 1 111111 1

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Man one: Why does the moon look like a face? Man two: I don't know, why? Man one: I don't know either, that's why i asked....

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well use a tissue!

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A bunch of teens were egging the house of their science teacher for giving them homework over break. They got caught by their teacher's ex-husband and he told them, "She broke up with me for telling her she was being too hard on her students. So, my friends, egg on!!!!!"

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Hey Patrick what am i ? Ebola No im Texas! What's the difference?

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Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

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First speaker: "why are there so many anti-jokes about something walking into a bar!?!? Second speaker: "there are only a couple thousand of them." First speaker: "it is getting so damn annoying!" Second speaker: "Well, that's too bad for you" The first speaker proceeds in stabbing himself with a knife while laughing hysterecly. First speaker: "ha ha ha ha" Second speaker "emo."

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How do you fit four gay on a bar stool? Divide the given space into fourths and convince them to share it accordingly. However, due to the fact that bar stools are significantly smaller than the average chair, and the likelihood that the bar has the resources to provide chairs for all of their customers, it would be highly unlikely that the men would choose be remain seated in such an inconvenient manner.

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Two Black Males walk into a bar. A white old lady leaves cautiously. Everyone else stays and has a great time with them as they are actually two very good guys, and funny too.

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What did the dog say to the tree? Bark.

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How do you beat a black in sports. "shot him when the game starts"

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Q. What do you do when you cross an elephant, and a soccer ball. A. That would never happen.

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How do you stop a bus from hitting you?? You throw small children to impede the progress of the bus.

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Why did Justin Bieber wake up Lady Gaga? He needed to ask her a question.

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A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god."

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Did you hear about the guy who had his head chopped off? He's dead.

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Why did the sloth cross the road? To slaughter your entire family.

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Why was the man in a great deal of pain? Because he was hit in the face with a sack of potatoes.

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Why did the blonde fail her drug test? She's actually never did drugs before but since she didn't show up for appointment, that counts as an automatic fail.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I f**ked your mom last night. Will you marry me?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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