So a jelly bean walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "whatchuu doin here jelly bean" the jelly bean doesn't respond and sits there awkwardly because he neither speaks English nor has the brain capacity to move or breathe. The bartender closes the store and comes back the next day to find the bean in the same awkward position.

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Why is the baby not crying? Because it died of herpes. JUST KIDDING! Babies can't get herpes.

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What's black and red, and covers most of your body? Fourth degree burns. You should say your goodbyes.

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a man walks into a house. he gets shot in the leg and is brought to jail because he was a burglar and was trying to steal the family's tv.

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Joe has 30 candy bars and eats 25. What does john have now? DIABETIES. Joe has diabeties. Please comment!!!!!!!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Maybe because it had escaped from the farm and as it doesn't have full conciousness, it couldn't distinguish between grass and the asphalt, so it happened to cross the road.

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How are friends and bananas alike? If you peel their skin and eat them they die.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, My family is dead

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What's worse than reading? A lot, but there are too many things to name

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How does a t-rex eat spaghetti? He didn't he ate a velocaraptor instead.

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How many lemurs does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.

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How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

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"Never trust what the internet says." - Abraham Lincoln

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running away from a Black family reunion.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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Knock Knock Who's there May I come in? May I come in who? . . .What's wrong with you can I come in or not?

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Q. What is ginger and ginger? A. a ginger

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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knock, , knock , who's there the gas man the gas man who ? the gas man who is gonna turn your gas off !

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Lukas: can i have a cigarette? Scott: i dont know can you? lukas: may i? Scott: NO

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How do you get someone to paid attention to etys You don't, there is no such thing as retys

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What did the man with cancer get for his birthday? A gravestone.

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What's read,bubbly and looks out the window? A baby in a microwave

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What's funnier than my jokes? your face.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops