How am I supposed to eat soup without an envelope?

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A lepord can carry two times its weight into a tree, i dont have a joke for this yet but youll leave here learning something.

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Why did the referee go to the zoo? He likes animals

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What did the Apostle John say to Jesus of Nazareth? "Oh, blow it out your butthole."

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So I picked my nose while peeing, and it fell in the toilet so I didn't have to wipe it on anything. This is more of a story I wanted to share than a joke

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Why am I writing this? Cuz I am eating babies alive right now!

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Why did sarah fall of the swing? she has no arms. Knock knock. whos there? not sarah.

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Everyone believes in something. If you believe "you'll have another drink," you may be an alcoholic.

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Q) What did one chicken say to the other? A) Nothing. Chickens can't talk.

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An asian man walks into a taxi. The driver asked which chinese or electronic store woupd u like to go to?

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Where would Tupac be if he was white? Not the morgue

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A Jew walks into a bar. He immediately turns around and walks out because prices at this particular high end bar are much too high for his liking.

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why did the chicken cross the world becuase he had to go in the bathroom

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.. Why did the 2nd monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first moneky.. Why did the 3rd monkey fall out of the tree? It thought it was a game.. Why did the 4th monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure..

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The Dalai Lama orders a slice of pizza for $2 and gives the cashier a $5 bill. He then realizes he hasn't been given any change, so he asks for his change. The cashier quickly apologizes and hands the Dalai Lama three dollar bills.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

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If a train leaves Chicago at 50 miles per hour, how hard does the baby strapped to the tracks get splattered?

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Why would Jesse Ziegenbein and Terran Hansen make a good couple? Because they both smell like shit and are fat as hell

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If a tree falls in the forest, but nothing is there to hear it, does it still make noise ? Yes, because whether the action of the three falling produces sound waves or not is not dependent on whether something is there to receive these waves.

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Why was the boat red and sticky? A boy dropped his slurpee. What were you thinking?!

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Why did the Jew die? Because of old age

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A bear walks into a bar. The bear is then shot by the bartender with the shotgun kept under the counter.

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Why did George Bush climb the Statue of Liberty? I'm not sure, as this incident is not covered in any of the myriad books written about his administration.

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A giant foot comes over the town and a man says "theres something big afoot" hahahahahahaha

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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