Twitter: @TotalJokes: "So it's been 11 years since the planes hit the world trade centre, time really does fly by."

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rock-a-bye baby on the treetop When the wind blows The bass will drop!

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Did you here about the 2 guys who wanted to go to Paris? They didnt go!

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there are seven of us," reply the babies, "now get us a round of bloody marys

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call me maybe.

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Q. Why was the black man sad? A. He had a book nailed into is leg.

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Why did the black man get drenched by a fire hose because he was on fire

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A rabbi and priest both go into a bar... and they each had a responsible number of drinks before walking home.

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roses are red viloites are sour open your legs and give me an hour

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A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, "What'll it be?" The duck says "Got any grapes?"

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Actually it was me Josh brown

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Whats black and white and red all over? A chopped up dalmation...

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I just shot up a plaground Now Im heading to an orphanage

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what did the bus driver say to the black man when he got on the bus? nothing, carl has become very anti-social since his brother died

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Well, first of all, what I have overcome both mentally (trauma) and physically (lots of shit) is in the past, lets leave it there. Second yeah, I can basically shift my sense of left and right at will, meaning I can choose which arm to write with, and write things mirrored without even thinking about it, I can fool my senses basically, one second I struggle playing the piano because I have just trained with one, then I make my brain believe I have been practicing with both, its simple, but complicated to explain, while my ears are perfectly normal, I got two sets of balance nerves, it just gets more complicated from there.

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How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that : L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

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What's green and has wheels? Nope, it's a car.

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How many blond girls does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1, it is a faily simple task

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when geese fly in a v formation, why is one side always longer then the other? Because you touch yourself at night...

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A man walks into a bar... He has a severe drinking problem, and his wife weeps for him

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roses are blue violets are red and just like you they're messed up in the head

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Why was Jimmy so upset? Because both of his parents died.

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A Blonde Goes On "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"

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knock knock who's there i am dead i am dead who i am just dead u idiot!!!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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