What do you call a man with no arms in the middle of the ocean? Mike.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

why do you always see black people smoking? because your neighbors are black and they smoke on their porch,a place you can probably see from your house.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How many blondes did it take to screw in the lightbulb? Just one. She did a fine job.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

why did rosa parks get moved to the back of the bus? she didnt call shotgun

thumb_up thumb_down -15

what is yellow with red all over tweety in a blender

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the chicken cross the road? I'm not quite sure, but I just realized that my new pair of boxer briefs has ripped along the seam. Oh, and earlier this morning, I stubbed my toe pretty bad. The nail is all purple and the toe is all swollen, it was bleeding profusely until I put three bandages over the wound. It's still throbbing with pain. Oh, and also, a few months ago, I lost my job. It wasn't because I was constantly late or anything, it was more because as a server, I had been required to lift trays and stand and walk for the entirety of my shift. The only problem is, that about a year ago, I was involved in a serious car accident (once again, an occurrence that had not been due to my own actions). This car accident severed my spine in the L5 region. I can now barely walk for long periods of time, I find it impossible to run, I can no longer play sports and enjoy being a 21 year old male. I am in constant pain and it affects my breathing, my legs, the rest of my back, and also my teeth (due to the neurological connections dealing with the spinal cord). I am now currently looking for a new job, a more suitable job, to help sustain my hectic lifestyle. No, it is not a lifestyle of parties and what not, it is merely the lifestyle of living under roof and owning a used car. I have an alcoholic mother and my childhood was devoid a father. I raised myself, and to this day, I still have no family to help me through my financial struggles. I need nearly 2000 dollars in less than a week in order to pay all my bills, have my car fixed, and eat for another month. The only problem is, I have a dollar and 58 cents to my name. I wish I was this chicken, crossing roads, and what not, not just to get to the other side, but to live a better life. But, one can only wish.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How do you make a boy cry? Kill his family

thumb_up thumb_down -15

2 boy once went to a party. One boy dared the other to suck all the helium out of a balloon. Today this boy is know as Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did Pikachu say to Charmander? Nothing. Pokemon are fictional creatures, and thus, do not exist.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What happened to the guy who took more lineage then he should have? He went to sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Nothing if you heard a loud sound or something that was me dropping the phone, by accident, its busted, I will call you when and if all of your "facts" turn out to be true, Hey, had no idea my doppelganger would be so down to earth by the way, so I am sleepy, what about you?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A polish guy Is sick of being made fun of for his ethnicity, so he decides that he is going to act Italian thinking that no one makes fun of Italians. He stays home for weeks to practice this and one day walks out, up to a store and says"eh, get me some lasagna and zucchini !" the man at the store asks if he's polish.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

"i once had a rabbit named socks.he was a funny little fellow until one day he got over excited and...well..." "did he...i mean..you know..did he...?" "what?lose a claw,throw up, sit in a pan of warm water until he calmed down?" "yeah! :)" "yes...but then he died."

thumb_up thumb_down -15

your mommas so fat she has been advised to diet and excercise or run the risk of terminal illness

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A man walks into a clothing store, he calls his wife, buys a shirt, and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? no... Well, It's really nice. :)

thumb_up thumb_down -15

To men walk into a bar. One says to a paying customer, "Mind if I sit here?" and the other man inquires the bartender about so.e fancy drink that takes five minutes to prepare. After 23 minutes, naturally, they left at exactly the same time and they went home to their wife and kids. They both share a wife and kids.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What do Wal-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common? They both have made a lot of money and are also well known around the world.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Yo mama so old, she must take arthritus medicine to keep out of extreme pain.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Well Here Goes Nothing And nothing happened

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Albert your flies undone.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why was the woman out of the kitchen? She was at her mother's funeral.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the dog say to his owner? Bark.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the black basketball team beat the white basketball team? They practiced more

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops