Q: How do you tell a Jewish person that you love them? A: You tell them "I love you".

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2 people lived next door to each other. The man said "hi" and so did the other man. What is wrong with this situation. Nothing, just friendly neighbors.

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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth? Stuck

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What did the octopus say to the lion? Nothing, because the likely hood of a lion and an octopus meeting is incredibly slim, as an octopus is a sea creature, and a lion isn't. A lion and an octopus cant even communicate with each other anyway, so even if they did come across each other they wouldn’t be able to talk. Octopi are also anti-social creatures by nature so I can say with some confidence that the lion and the octopus will not have a convocation. Written By JAMES!

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A man bets that his friend can't drink five beers in a row. His friend does it and says "See, I told you I can do it!" The man replies "No, I can't see, I'm blind."

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Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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How many dyslexic people does it take to ruin Christmas? One, because they murdered you mother on your birthday.

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why did the cow cross the road because he wanted to go to the mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove

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Chuck Norris was the leading role in the television show Walker, Texas Ranger.

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Why are humans and squirrels the same? They both live in trees except for the human

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yo momma so fat dora couldn't even explore her!!!

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A man walks into a doctor's office and says "Doctor, it hurts when I poke my leg like this!" The doctor replies "That because there's a knife in your hand."

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Two ladies are walking down a road. One says, "It's freezing out here!" and then the other woman, who is a scientist, says "No it's not freezing. The freezing point of oxygen is -365.82 degrees F. So, unless it is actually that temperature outdoors, I highly doubt that it is freezing outside."

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Whats the same about a Mole and an Eagle? They both live underground, I lied about the Eagle.

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How many cows does it take to screw in a light bulb? Either one super cow or none because cows don't even have apposable thumbs

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Why couldn't the cat drink milk? It Didn't have a face.

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Why couldn't the blond dial 911? She lost her arms in a tragic car accident last year

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Why didn't the man go to work on Friday the 13th? Because he was unemployed.

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Granny P-O-R-N!!!!

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How do you get a baby to stop crying? Hit it with a brick.

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What do you call a fish with no eye? Blind.

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Whats funnier than 24. ... DEEZ NUTS.

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Women are only good for seventy-one things: Love A proper home to come home to everyday 69

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what smells like red paint, but tastes blue? my heroine OD panflets

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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