Why are stand up comedians called stand up comedians? Because they are standing up while telling jokes, dumby.

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So this man is walking down the street. Just walking. Nothing wrong. Suddenly a giant whirlpool appears in the street. The man is sucked in and the whirlpool disappears. Everything's fine right? Right? Yeah, he wanted to die. So every things okay? NOPE. He left the oven on.

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first koala. Why did the kangaroo die? Because two stapled koalas fell on its head.

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mark is life

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What happened to the guy who took more lineage then he should have? He went to sleep.

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A newly wed couple is at the beach and the wife asks for sunscreen and the man says he forgot it in the car. He goes to the car only to find that the car had been broken into. He goes to call his wife and they go back to the car only to find that the car had been stolen. #Turns out the thief broke the window to steal the car but saw the owner coming and hid behind a bush and upon the man going to call his wife he continued with his mission

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What's more horrible than Twilight? Hitler.

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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Is your refrigerator running? Yes. Good because it is important to keep food chilled to prevent it from spoiling and wasting you money

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Steve is getting paid $29.50 to bounce a ball Steve is getting fired monday

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was blind.

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What's the difference between an American and a Russian? One's American and one's Russian.

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How did the little boy get out of the forest? -He didnt, he was devoured by a pack of wovles.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding an apple-sized tumor in your colon.

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A redhead walks into a bar and goes to the restroom. She needed to pee.

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You're Mom is Dead She was killed by a Grammer Nazi for me misspelling Your

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Why? Why not?

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot

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Why can Randy Moss Jump so high? Because he trained to jump high.

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What do you call a kid without any friends? A Sandy Hook survivor

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A man asked a guy in a store for football cleats The guy got all confused because footballs cannot wear cleats

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I was going to write a joke about procrastination, but I haven't gotten to it yet.

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Three guys walk into a bar. Soon after another man tries to walk in, but is stopped by the bouncers because the bar was at capacity.

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Knock Knock Who's there

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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