what did one apple say to another apple nothing apples cant talk

thumb_up thumb_down -20

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that : L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

thumb_up thumb_down -20

why did the boy drop the ball. he was shot in the head.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Q: Whats worse then a minor fender bender A: Dieing a long painful death by getting stabbed 27 times then getting hit by a car and laying on the side of the rode for 2 hours then you find out that your wife was cheating on you with her your own brouther

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What is the quickest way to speed up your 70 year old husband’s heart rate? Extract of foxglove is a very effective blocker of the parasympathetic nervous system, and since the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for slowing the heart, this would lead to an increase in heart rate. However, it is very dangerous to use such chemicals without advice, and therefore it is better to seek an examination and, if necessary, a prescription from a qualified GP.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why haven't any women go to the moon? Cause it still doesn't need cleaning.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Q:How do you kill an Elephant? A:With an Elephant gun Q:How do you kill a blue Elephant? A:With a blue Elephant gun. Q:How do you kill a purple Elephant? A:With a purple Elephant gun. Q:How do you kill a red Elephant? A:There is no such thing.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Finn: Jake, why can your body do all of those magical things? Jake: What do you mean? Finn: Oh never mind. And they both proceeded to enjoy a delicious breakfast.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A: Roses are red, Violets are blue. B: Then why are they called violets? A: I NEVER NOTICED THAT!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why do things made by Glen taste so good? Because he has mastered the cream

thumb_up thumb_down -20

NO! I'm putting it in my front room, you sick bastard!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What do you get when you stab Al with a sword? At

thumb_up thumb_down -20

HALF LIFE 4 COMING OUT SOON!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Knock, knock. Who's there? Your one and only! Step away from the door, Francheska. You're violating the restraining order.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why did the woman call 911? Fire.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why do people make jokes about cancer? Oviously to get thier ass kicked!!! -BY:KOLBY HOOKS

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Q: How many electricians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 1, idiot.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

You want some cake? Sure! Okay, go buy the ingridients and bake me some. YAY!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

who do you call those who give this joke a thumbs down? people

thumb_up thumb_down -20

i had a dream last night;) it was sad because you lived but then i dreamed up a bus and made it hit you. i had a dream last night;) you died

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Q: A policeman is working past a room. The window is too high to see in. The person hears "no John, don't", and then a gunshot. He rushes inside and sees a dead body on the floor with a gun beside him. Also in the room are a doctor, a lawyer and a priest. Without asking any questions, he immediately arrests the priest. Why? A: Because the priest is the only male in the room.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A bartender walks into a bar, and starts his shift.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Justin Beiber has fame, his own bodyguards, he has performed many shows and has everyone's attention. What do you have? A penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A couple of years back a went to chile for a day, I was then trapped underground for 70 days...

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops