What did the plant say to the human. Nothing.

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Why did the crossing guard drop his whistle? Because a kid got hit by a passing elephant.

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hey guess what? what ur gay! how did you know ive been in the closet for 5 years!?

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a man walks into a bar. it was a metal bar. his balls hurt.

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Why did the old man cross the road? Coz he was in an ambulance

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Do you know the difference between a dinosaur and a slice of bread? No. You're pretty stupid then.

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knock knock who's there? Ah Maj. Ah Maj who? (say it outloud)

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, as it was a busy highway it was hit before making it to halfway.

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How do you make a boy cry? Pour soup on his head.

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Boys have swag, real men have class

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Roses are red Violets are blue I can't rhyme The end

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Why did Quinn yell at his group project partner? Because he hated him.

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Whats brown and rhyme's with "Snoop?" Dr. Dre

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What's the difference between a lamp?

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Kid: "Tell me about when you were young, Grandpa." Grandpa: "Oh, sonny, those were crazy times. My friends and I were out of control. We used to give each other wet-willies and funny arm. We'd play dandy-balls and legs-a-spread and penis-butt." Kid: "Sounds kind of gay, Grandpa. " Grandpa: "It was gay. Everyone was. But, back then, we were called pole-fancies. It was real, good old-fashioned "grab the nearest tree and hold on for dear life" gay, not today's fancy, featherbed, thread-count gay. People got hurt back then! Kid "That's gay." Grandpa: "Yeah, it was pretty gay "

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What did the kid with no legs get for Christmas ? A treadmill

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Why did Timmy masticate in front of everyone at the dinner table? If he hadn't, he would have choked on large chunks of food.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Being a chicken, it had no concept of roads or their dangers and was simply trying to find some feed.

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Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Exercise Ex - Er - Cise Ex - Ar - Size.. Eggs Are Sides For bacon.. BACON

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A friend of mine said; the only vegetables that makes you cry are oignons. that was before I hit him with a watermelon

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did you know helen keller had a dog? neither did she....

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7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,8

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You can pick your ur nose u can pick ur friends u just can't pick ur friends nose.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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