You decide, drink or drive. But don't do all 3 at the same time.

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What did the American man say to his brother right before his brother's wedding? You should not get married because most likely your marriage will end in a horrible divorice, which will ruin the rest of your pathetic life.

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A: Knock knock B: Who's there? A: Doctor B: Doctor who? A: Doctor Johnson, i'm here to check up on you. How's the medication going? B: It's going well thank you, it's working. A: That's very good to hear. Hope you recover soon. B: Thank you!

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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Helen Keller went to town, riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it "NUuhHUhhuUUUuhhhuuuuumph!"

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What is the answer to life, universe and everything? Nothing.

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Why are leprechauns so happy? The grass tickles their balls

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'Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a pair of curtains' Doctor prescribes antipsychotics.

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what do you get when you come across a old dog with herpes, a fat man with herpes and an apple? you get nothing but the satisfaction of seeing such a horrific sight

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Did you hear about the circus fire? Yes, apparently there were no casualties but all their props and equipment were destroyed, which will set the company back financially, even with the insurance.

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An Asian man walked to P.F. Changs, and asked where the bathroom is.

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What do you call someone who can legally murder? OJ Simpson

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My mother's star sign was Cancer. Ironic how she died really. She was attacked by a giant crab.

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Roses are black Violets are black Everything is black I'm blind

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What’s spotty, has three legs and is green all over? …well?

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A squirrel walks up to a tree and says: "I forgot to store nuts for winter, now i am dead."

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Roses are red the grass is green now open your legs and let me fill you with cream

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What's the object with the most points according to science and math? A sphere.

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what starts with b and ends with b? The bomb i just planted in your house.

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jeanna:fu** jack:did u just say fu** jeanna:jew? jack:fu** u jew

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What is similar between the Holocaust and soccer? They both suck.

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what did the turnip say to the plum? nothing, as most fruits and vegetables would've said

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Yo mamma so fat when I searched her on the internet, I got 28,000,000 results

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What do black people and asians have in common? arms

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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