What did the apple say to the carrot? Nothing, apples don't talk

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A black man, a white man and a Jewish man all live in the same apartment block. Which is most likely to be at work? None of them, it's Sunday. [L]

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Roses are red, Violets are purple.

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How do you define an unsatisfactory kitchen? It won't have a woman chained to the oven.

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Miss Jones has 10 apples on her desk. Billy takes half of them away and runs. What does Miss Jones have? 5 apples and a complaint filed for smacking Billy with a ruler.

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WWII veteran screamed! "You damn yellow monkey" "But sir... ...my fur is brown!" Replied the monkey.

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whats fat, green and hairy? Nothing I would pleasure myself to.

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what did the man say after he fell off the cliff nothing, he's dead

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What do you call a man in a wall? Stuck.

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An Indian, American and French man walk into the bar simultaneously. Unfortunately, they get stuck in the door.

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scraggle is in you pillow case

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What do you call a guy who likes men? Gay

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8

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Bridget, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and since it is rather long, it brushes against her round breasts. Even though she is a little sweaty, you realize what a beautiful woman she is, and you decide not to kill here. You instead ask her to marry you, and after she replies "yes", with tears of joy streaming down her face, you two make passionate love in the front seat of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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Your mom is so fat that she saw a school bus full of white children and , thought "I can hardly even remember a time when my body used to be slim." She now keeps track of her diet and exercises regularly,the result of this has been a weight loss of over 95 pounds.

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What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore? A:porn

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Yo momma's so fat she went to Antartica and all the penguins were like, "Woah. You're fat."

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What is rectangular, white and has two wheels? A limo getting its wheels replaced.

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really? are people insistantly so totally stupid? Now read that again and you may notice something. :P

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Knock Knock [Opens Door]

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I used to think skyrim jokes were funny. Then I took an arrow to the knee.

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what did the doctor say to the wery fat man? you have diabetes

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Why couldn't the kid eat his vegetables? His parents stabbed him...

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welcome to australia. *kangaroo kicks you in the gut and you keel over, whereupon you are stampeded by wild dingoes and eaten by tasmanian devils*

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops