"Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from. So, you should probably leave."

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Whats the difference between a dead baby and a lamborghini? Dead babies are not sports cars

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Why couldn't Jack and Jill climb the hill? Because they were bagels.

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When life gives you lemons, you must also have a proportionally sufficient amount of both water and sugar in order to make lemonade.

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It takes a minute to know somebody, an hour to fall in love, but a lifetime to forget. Once, my mom forgot me at Disney World.

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A man works at a Doritos factory hes worked there for a few weeks and hes made the most Doritos in his line now and the head of the company gives him a promotion he now runs his own line a few months later the head of the company bob comes back to him and promoted him again to now our friend Carl is head of the Factory about two years later bob comes to Carl and hes promoted to head of the east coast he is head of 27 Factories about a decade later bob asks Carl if when he retires Carl will take over the company and he accepts bobs offer 23 years pass and bob retires Carl is the new head of the company so he is about like 65 at this point and he wants some wine so him and his buddies go for some wine Dan says Carl this lines two long so they decide to have some soda and then Jason says this lines longer then the last one so Aiden says to Carl why don't we go get some punch so they all got into line but there was no punch line a.w. j.p.

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What's tall, has a really long neck, and eats leaves? My tall vegan neighbor's giraffe

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knock knock, whos there? the bum bum boys ready to dance :) ``~ ``sms

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What do you get when you mix Lil Wayne and Lil John? A full size John Wayne

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Whats white and blue and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? a fridge in a denim jacket :D

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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what is the difference between hitler and the jews? They had different religions

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What do you do when a red gorilla comes running at you with 7 dominoes in his hand Ask him to stop

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How do you kill a clown? You smash his face into a brick.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? A lot.

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Why was the man alone? Because he was tied to a tree.

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roses are red violets are blue the thing in the toilet reminds me of you :)

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roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, which is a serious mental disorder in which I have difficulty properly experiencing reality. It should not be confused with multiple personality disorder, which is a completely different disease with different symptoms.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Pizzas were meant to be put in an oven.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw 'em.

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what would u do if you were having anal sex with a black guy and his penis was sooooo big that it ripped ur asshole? staple it back together

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Why did the slut suck a dick? Because she's a slut.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know. Neither does the chicken. (you're supposed to laugh...)

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Why did the woman stop jogging? She got mauled by a bear.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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