A baby seal walks into a bar... The bartender looks at it and says: too young.

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One night, a man was bitten by Dracula. The first thing to come out of his mouth was "Joke's on you, I have AIDS!" Then proceeded to laugh hysterically until Dracula snapped his neck

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What is long, hard, cries a lot, and can't fall down a man-hole? A baby with a javelin through its neck.

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whats long, hairy, and has one eye? my cat fluffy, he has cancer.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was blind and deaf.

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Why did Lou Gehrig die from? ALS

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Why was the black family eating at K.F.C? The food there is really good and they had a discount on the family bucket.

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Your mama so fat that when she cut herself gravey came out and we drank it too!

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What's faker than Nicki Minaj's tits? Women rights.

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Rain rain go away, and don't come back or else i will kill your family.

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Why was the man lying under a sheet. Because he was dead.

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what do u call a newspaper boy on brake? your uncle because hes broke and struggling with income.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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why wasnt johnny in math class?....he slipped and cracked his skull on his way there, he is now recovering at the hospital

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What do you call an apple, an orange, and a pear in a bowl? Fruit

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Why doesn't the little boy talk to his mom? Because she smells like barbecue sauce.

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Why was the school girl called a dork. Because a whale penis is called a dork, and she identically resembles a giant aquatic dick.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic And so am I

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An Irishman walks into a bar.....Duh.

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What did Joe get for his first birthday? Nothing he died at birth

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What is worse than ending and apple joke in the holocaust? Getting raped by a goat

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What's worse then finding a worm in ur apple? Nothing it sucks and it's a waste of an apple

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A man works at a Doritos factory hes worked there for a few weeks and hes made the most Doritos in his line now and the head of the company gives him a promotion he now runs his own line a few months later the head of the company bob comes back to him and promoted him again to now our friend Carl is head of the Factory about two years later bob comes to Carl and hes promoted to head of the east coast he is head of 27 Factories about a decade later bob asks Carl if when he retires Carl will take over the company and he accepts bobs offer 23 years pass and bob retires Carl is the new head of the company so he is about like 65 at this point and he wants some wine so him and his buddies go for some wine Dan says Carl this lines two long so they decide to have some soda and then Jason says this lines longer then the last one so Aiden says to Carl why don't we go get some punch so they all got into line but there was no punch line a.w. j.p.

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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