A father and son get into a car crash. They go to the hospital and both the father and son are unconsciuos. The doctor comes in to the son's room and says, "I can't operate on this boy, he is my son. How could this happen if the dad is knocked out? It was a gay couple.

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There is a young boy called Clive, and his dad asks him what he wants for his birthday: "I would like one yellow golf ball please dad" he said. Of course, his father was quite surprised by his son's request, but nevertheless, he got him a yellow golf ball for his birthday. A few years later, clive does amazingly well at school and gets all As in his final exams. Filled with pride and love for his son, his father says to him: "I can't begin to tell you how proud i am of you, Clive. In fact, you can have a preasant! What do you want?" Clive thinks for a moment. "i would like one hundred yellow golf balls please!" His father was a bit annoyed at his strange request, but neverrtheless, gave Clive his yellow golf balls. A few years later, Clive wins the gold medal at the olymics for the 100m sprint. His father is very proud: "Son, i am so happy about the way you've turned out. You make me so proud. Is there anything you want me to do for you?" "can i have 1000 yellow golf balls please" Now his father got annoyed, he thought Clive was taking the piss. Eventually though, he calmed down and got clove the golf balls. Unfortunatley, Clive gets diagnosed with a deadly disease. His father is heartbroken. And as clive is lying on the hospital bed, his father moves close and speaks to him. "Son" he said, tears welling up in his eyes, "I just want to ask you one thing." "Ok," Clive said, as he too started to get emotional. "Why on earth did you want all those golf balls?" Clive looked deep into his father's eyes, as he took his last breath said: "I wanted them because- ack -splutter- ack" And he died.

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Q: If Ann has 5 apples and she gives Michael 2 apples, and then Jason comes and rapes Ann. How many apples does Ann have left? R: Who the hell cares, she needs to go to the police.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because his hands were amputated.

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Whats the difference between a giraffe and an elephant. Ones a giraffe and ones and elephant

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You're welcome. On to the next house.

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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall Humpty Dumpty is an egg so nobody cares

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I f**ked your mom last night. Will you marry me?

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There was a irishmen in his house. He was thirsty. so he drank some water

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Reclu. Reclu who? Recluse Spider.

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What's worse than being raped? Finding out it was your uncle.

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What's red white, blue and hilarious? Glasgow Rangers in administration!

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Wanna hear something funny? David is addicted to mw3 like the other 3 million people!

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What does the fox say? "It's called a hustle, sweetheart."

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by jimmy savile.

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a bunch of guys did cocain for the first time. they later died from a drug over dose.

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whats big, white and will kill someone if it falls out of a tree? a refridgerater

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Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape

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You had ONE job. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to support your dying wife and ill child.

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Knock knock Who's there A girl scout A girl scout who? A girl scout trying to sell cookies to support her alcoholic parents who beat her

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There is my brain said the English man stop leaving it in the fridge and let me mug you now get in the car OK!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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Did you hear about the guy who had his head chopped off? He's dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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