- Anti Joke

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

What did the guy say to helen keller nothing... according to helen keller

Think of a number 1-10 Now add 39 Divide that by 20 Subtract two Now close your eyes.. Dark isn't it?

how many babies does it take o paint a house depends on how hard you throw them

Jack just got his new yellow bicycle. His dad got it for his 12th anniversary. Jack was ecstatic to ride it down his street for the first time. He immediately called his friends Paul and Erick and went for his first ride. The neighbors were in AWE when they saw Jack taking off on his new ride. That day the three friends had one of the best day of their young lives, they went up to the lake, had some peanut ice cream and made fun of Alexia. Jack was in love with his new bike and euphoric that they were reunited and did all their favorite things with an incredible amount of passion. Erick hated his new bike.

Why did Susie fall off the monkey bars? She had no arms.

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

A jew walks into a bar.... He has a beer and then goes home to his family.

What's the difference between a Mexican and a T-Rex? Humans are vertebrates belonging to the Mammalia class, chiefly a member of the species Homo sapiens; dinosaurs are chiefly terrestrial, herbivorous or carnivorous reptiles from the extinct orders Saurischia and Ornithischia.

That awkward moment when a sentence doesn't end the way you think it octopus.

What do you call a blonde who can't read? an infant

Q-Why did the little boy feel hot? A-Because he faceplanted into a bonfire.

Q: Why did the plane crash? A: Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

What do Lebron James and Bill Murray have in common? They are both black basketball players. Except for bill murray

Why did the boy fall off his bike? Because someone threw a canoe at him.

What did the sphinx say to the Minotaur? Nothing, as they are fictional creatures and in according to probable science, don't not exist.

A man sits on the toilet to take a shit And is surprised to find the next door neighbours dog in the toilet.

You know what's a real drag? A club foot

Why's it so bad to be black and Jewish? You have to sit in the back of the oven.

what do jews, blacks, and asians have in common? they have all been targets of racism!

Your mother is so fat that she has a very big butt and large breasts, which is quite attractive to some men, especially if they are open-minded.

Why did the girl fall off of the swing? Because she didn't have any arms.

What do you call a unicorn that is both invisible and pink? The Invisible Pink Unicorn.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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