Why haven't any women go to the moon? Cause it still doesn't need cleaning.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What is the quickest way to speed up your 70 year old husband’s heart rate? Extract of foxglove is a very effective blocker of the parasympathetic nervous system, and since the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for slowing the heart, this would lead to an increase in heart rate. However, it is very dangerous to use such chemicals without advice, and therefore it is better to seek an examination and, if necessary, a prescription from a qualified GP.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry sir we're closed" So the man goes: "Oh, okay. I wasn't sure if you guys were open till' 10pm tonight" and the bartender goes "No, thats only on the weekends" The man thanks the bartender and proceeded to leave the bar. He now knows the arrive earlier the following day.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A horse trots into a bar. He is left with a bump on his head.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What did the fat man say when he saw the giant twinky on the billboard? I wish that twinky was real, because I am too poor to pay my bills, am getting audited, and cannot feed my four children on minimum wage.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

There once was a plain Cheerio. He has a decent life with a low paying job and an apartment. One day, he decided to make his life more fun and started going to parties. He met some women and had a good time. He was happier and was soon promoted at work. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself, only to discover that he was now a Honey-nut Cheerio. He continued to go to parties and met a girl that eventually became his girlfriend. He became a manager at work and moved into an expensive condo. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself and was a Frosted Cheerio. He then quit his job and opened a club, where he became the most popular Cheerio in town. All guys wanted to be him, girls with him. At one party, his girlfriend asked him for some punch. He went to the kitchen but couldn't find any. There was no punch-line.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What is the cost of an abortion? 1 life

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why did Lindsay Lohan talk to her car? Because she's insane

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What did the boy who was in a chainsaw accident yell to his mom when he was on a rollercoaster? Look ma, no hands!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

what does a slim jim taste like? there is no answer because everyone has a different amount of taste buds

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Three dogs are barking at a wall. People walk by thinking "Why are these dogs barking at a wall?".

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What's worse than dieing? Not much.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

I used to have a shirt just like yours, except it was green. And it was a bicycle.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

what is Rebecca black's favorite restaurant? Ruby Tuesdays

thumb_up thumb_down -22

My dad is lactose intolerant. He shouldn't eat cheese.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

If you see a person falling down your balcony, Say cya later!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What did the coat say to the dog? Nothing, the coat was inanimate

thumb_up thumb_down -22

why did the blind kid cross the road... because he was sick of being blind

thumb_up thumb_down -22

How can a hobo become rich? It can't. It died from food poisoning from eating food out of the trash.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A girl and her friend got into a fight. They both bled to death.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

i have a story to tell u!!! oh s*** i forgot!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What did the German say to the Rabbi? Hello. The German was also Jewish

thumb_up thumb_down -22

The closest I've been to an animal charity was when I walked past it to by myself a fur coat

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What did the black person say to the white person I'm black your white

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops