If a hen lays an egg in the middle of a roof, which way would it fall? To the east, as there was a brisk wind in that direction.

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Two Irish men walk in to a bar. Or maybe it was three. It's actually quite a common occurrence here in Dublin.

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What did the dinosaur say to the centipede? It's funny cause the dinosaur is big and the centipede is small.

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What did the unicorn eat for a snack? Nothing. Unicorns are a majestic fiction animal.

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Why did the little boy fall off the swing? Because he has no arms.

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What do black people and apples have in common? - They both look good hanging from trees.

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How do you keep children off your lawn? Touch them.

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How do you identify a Chinese tank? They smash their own people.

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the only thing i learned in geometry is when you push two circles together it makes a titty venn diagram

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An Asian walks into a bar and says, "1???????????"

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Why did the English man walk into a bar? Do get an alcoholic beverage to temporarily forget the pain of his recent divorce.

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What is yellow, has wheels, and lies on its back? A school bus in a terrible accident.

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

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A drunkard walked into a bar, and up to the bartender. He proceeded to **** the **** until he ******. I proceeded to break down in immense frustration over censorship.

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Who would win, Chuck Norris or a T-Rex? The T-Rex, Chuck Norris would get ripped apart like any other human-being.

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His name is Frosted Mike, and he neither has nor does not have a penis.

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whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff.

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How did Alice get revenge on Diane when Diane called her fat? When Alice was pregnant, she stabbed herself in the stomach and blamed it on Diane. Diane was then sent to prison for murder and received a sentence of 25 years. Alice laughed in court, and Diane was forced to commit suicide. Alice then stole Diane's husband, and she lived happily ever after.

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

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What did the kid with no arms or legs get for Christmas? Arms and legs, NOT GET IN MY MINIVAN!

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if you have two gay people, would their kid be gay too? oh wait....

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Guess what? That is actually a ridiculously broad question, and I can be referring to anything. You really have no chance in guessing "what" is. As a matter of fact, I can just be thinking about a thought of something else, which is not even a concrete thing. Therefore, you really have no chance of guessing what "what" actually is. So I win. You lose.

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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