Knock Knock, Who's there? The Postman. But I wasn't expecting a parcel. Is it for 37? No, Sorry, its for 35.

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i had a dream last night;) it was sad because you lived but then i dreamed up a bus and made it hit you. i had a dream last night;) you died

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PICKLES

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How did poor Miss Suzy get her poor little baby to stop crying? She cut off its head, burned its body, and sacrificed its ashes in a bizarre Satanic ritual that involved having sex with a heifer. (Miss Suzy was a Satanist priestess.)

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Why did Mr. Cannon dies Because he got shot as an undercover cop in south america

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dont be afraid of lard squeezing cause really its just me teasing

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Why aren't dragons real? Because if any animal were to breath fire (let alone have a gland that produced it), they would cease to live for their necks would scorch from the inside out.

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I remember my first beer. It did not taste good to me at the time.

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Male leadership.

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Why couldn't the emo kid finish reading his book? Because he was on the titanic when it sank.

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don't take life to seriously nobody gets out alive

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What's the difference between Jews and pizza? One is an adherent to the religion of Judaism, and the other is a doughy bread topped with tomato sauce and cheese. They share virtually no similarities.

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Why did the drunk driver get into an accident? It was a woman.

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Things to do get an A on my test win my hockey game become immortal well that escalated quickly

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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How can you tell if someone is a global warming alarmist? Their IQ on average is 10 points below normal

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what do you do with a drunken sailor? take him back to port because he's not in a right state of mind to be on board a moving vessel

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What's worse then 1 bee sting? -2 Bee stings. What's worse then 2 bee stings? -The Holocaust. What's worse then the Holocaust? -3 Bee stings.

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josh- your a strange boy. liam- yes. due to by up bringing i have been exposed to unusual situations that most people do not encounter therefore affecting how i behave. Secondly the definition of normal is varying from person to person making being normal to every human being difficult to even the most capable of people. Essentialy Josh i care little for you comment. *josh was a black man who died of cancer 6 weeks after this incodent*

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I got drunk last night and woke up in a bed and that's when I saw it. A 400 pound woman was in front of me and I could see the sweat drip down her ass fat and she let out a putrid fart right in my face. It smelt like rotten eggs and cheesy cauliflower. I am horrified.

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Q: Why shouldn't you throw rocks at a black guy on a bike? A: Because he could sustain serious injury if a rock hits him in the head, not to mention it is extremely rude.

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PS: YOU FUCKING PATHETIC ASSHOLES! DIE IN PAIN GUILT AND SHAME! YOU AND ALL OF THOSE THAT MOCKED ME FOR WANTING TO CREATE WHAT HAS FINALLY BEEN CREATED! (Special thanks to those that gave me a thousand thumbs down and such, I mean at first it was kinda degrading but fun since I posted bullshit on purpose, back when I returned from time to time to see if I had any thumbs ups, then I began enjoying red thumbs as I began expressing my dreams and gathering one follower for every human being that would mock me... ...Today? Today I type whatever the fuck I want, and could not care less for what you fucking humans think about me) Moral: I am superior to you all, and if you disagree with my opinion, you can at least respect it, I on the other hand, have no reason to respect your opinion... YOUR INFERIOR OPINION! If I am a human, then you are worth less than insects... But after being called Satan by my own mother, and called the anti-christ by so many people... ...Yeah, I guess you got to me, I am a fucking Demon, and the opposite of what your Gods offer, is our paradise. There I am gone (I have not returned as I never left) You wont ever hear about the most useless invention again...) Pss: Thanks, I mean it, thanks for nothing... What? You really thought I was grateful? You are nothing but humans, I have nothing for you... I have made more than enough people aware in this world, enough to create a world of my own, which is officially in existence. Ungrateful? Maybe I will one day hunt you humans, beat the shit out of you, torture you mentally, and then have you thank me for enduring all the shit you went trough, ill do it for the prize of your left arm, that is what it cost me, and just like me, you will be tortured by your mother and and father, with the option to take your life ALL of the time. Ironically the blood-loss when my mother cut of my arm was nothing, I mean it was the wounds she caused me by beating me up with it that nearly killed me... And compared to what she and my father did to me, losing that arm was trivial, something I look back at and laugh... Today nothing can break me, nobody can hurt me, and I got nothing to thank but ME! Followers of Neronism: As arrogant as it might sound, sure we made this world of ours together, but if hell if I suffered more than you just to stay alive, and make it happen. I am actually 32 and got about six years left to live because doctors misdiagnosed my diabetes and nearly destroyed the old ticker... ...But yeah, my dream is complete, and if there is a hell, eternal agony by flames is mere humor compared to being tortured until near death only to be left alone until I recover so your own parents can continue... Rinse and repeat, it is harder to live as a one handed guy with in chronic pain everywhere (parents you know...) than one might think, id never take my life, but if the reaper finds me in six years, I wont fight it. With that said Neronists, I will lead you on for what time I got, and have decided to appoint "Eliza" as my successor, and if Neronism one day turns into a bloodthirsty cult, rather than the anti-religious order it is today... ...Then fuck it all, then there was but only one being capable of this... And then I am, was, and will forever be... You know... Someone that had every reason to consider humans disgusting. I also used this section to share my fucked up childhood... In four years I will not only reveal the location of my empire, but also welcome anyone to see what they think of it and perhaps join in... But for now I am done, life is too short for this shit. Nero is done with horsehead network... For now, I do as I please, unless you are one of mine you do not matter, and if you are one of mine, the hell do you mind about me returning from time to time? I am not here to wake up the few followers I found here anymore, my empire is off limits... ...People have asked me why they have not found it, if its on the moon or something... ...I tell them to go fuck themselves, my dream is alive, and I am soon dead, who the hell gives a damn.

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What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? I don't know... That action was so barbarous that it freaked me out, and I was no longer in the vicinity of the area. Since I don't have supersonic hearing, I couldn't pick up anything they were saying...

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Knock knock! Who's there? A Doorbell salesman.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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