So a guy says to his dog "hey man when you piss in the toilet can you please flush, just because I don't like to look at your pee." then the dog sits back and says "...woof !!"

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Colloqiual irregularities are a significant part of the English language, and excellent example of this is between can and may.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's the worst thing that can go wrong while trying to archieve something you desperately want? -Everything.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the dog get for Christmas? euthanization

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why are you going to laugh at this its reallly dumb

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why did the geman man hit the jewish man? because the jewish man swung a punch at the german man so it was an act of self defense.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Next season on teen moms, Justin Bieber tells her story.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

AARgh my name is AWsaing the nawant of the where of amzai Giant rabbit bunny

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I don't believe in giraffes.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Steven Hawking walks into a bar. Steven Hawking is disabled from the neck down. I lied.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q: Where was Moses when the lights went out. A: In the dark.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

But I don't use all those things myself Nero, I do however teach people how to use it.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why didn't Johnny ride his bike to school? Both of his legs were amputated. He can't ride a bike ever again.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I've been reading these for the past hour and you guys are just out right terrible! -Sarah

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you stop a dog from digging up your garden? Every time it does so, shout at the dog so it knows it has misbehaved. Keep doing this and the dog will eventually understand the error of its ways.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the Atheist say in church? His best friend's eulogy.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why did the black guy say he was ridin' dirty? because its been weeks since he last took it to the coin op, he's busy working as an I.T Specialist.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes." Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?" The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard." "That's true, I do have a yard." "I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house." "And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family." "Yes, I have a family." "I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual." "I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater." Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?" Jim says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?" "No." "Then you're gay!"

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Yo Mama is so poor, she can barely keep a steady income and cannot support her family of 10 even with support of food stamps and wel fair and will probably die soon due to diabetees because she wasted her food stamps on food that is bad for the average persons diet and due to a lack of exercise. I am worried about her she seems very depressed due to her wight and fatality outlooks and you should probably direct her to your local clinic to make sure she is OK and try to help her with her weight mangment problems. I am scarred for you and your family and I wanted to make sure you are ok and are doing well in education and are on track for a very bright future probably going to a universety which you will pay for with student loans from a bank in the local area. I am extremely worried so are you OK with all of those things I said before and if you are not I can help you get onto the right track and your mom can have a happier longeer life filled with fun happinnes wisdom life and other things like peace and forgivness for all people should get that it is part of our natural human rights and we deserve such things I speak of. Are you ok and does your life apply to thing things I have said in the past couple of motivational minuites. ''get the fu^k off porch''

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A fat kid walks into a school. RUN KIDS IT'S BOMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was six afraid of seven? Because chad makes babies cry.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's the difference between an Elephant and a Post Box? An Elephant is not a Post Box. It is an Elephant.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Geeks have girlfriends...................... . . . I MEAN alien friends (geeks are losers and you decide your a geek or not)

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q. Why did the boy fall off the swing? A. He had no arms or legs. Q. What did he get for Christmas? A. A drumset Q. Knock Knock Who's there Not him

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops