whats the difference between a Jew and a piece of pizza? pizza doesn't scream when its in the oven.

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What do you call a baby with a shadow? A shadow-baby!

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One time there was a girl in a wheelchair and she couldn't walk.

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Who swept the woman off her feet? A kidnapper

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Q: what do you call a deer with no eyes A; roadkill

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How do you make a mess? Microwave a baby.

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What did the waiter say to an overweight customer? May I take your order?

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What's green and has wheels? The farmer's tractor.

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If George Washington was the first president, and Barack Obama is the latest, how old is my grandma?

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When life gives you lemons squeeze them at people then run away.

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What's green and looks like a forest? A forest.

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Chlamydia

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How many Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. Screwing in a lightbulb is a simple, menial task, and the fact that the man was a Jew is irrelevant.

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A man walks to a baseball game what does he see? Many people

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Why do skinny women eat their food fresh cooked? So that they don't contract food-borne diseases and risk dying.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? ...Because he was buried in a churchyard.

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There are two muffins in an oven. One muffin says to the other "dang, it's really hot in here." Realizing that muffins can not talk the other muffin wakes up to a very hungry man biting his face.

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Q. Did you hear about the gay guy that's on the patch? A. yeah, that's a really big step, quitting smoking is tough

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Pete and Repeat were on a boat. Pete jumped out, who was left? Pete, the boat blew up and instantly killed repeat

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Why cant African children read? While there are many contributing factors the largest would probably be the lack of a standardized education system mainly due to the logistical factors involved in reaching so many wide spread communities. Also the current economic climate and general disregard for civilians by the governments in these area would suggest that the states' focus would be on other issues besides the welfare of their citizens. Then again, not really being educated on this issue in almost any way, has probably contributed to a broad generalization, and so the premise of this joke is most likely flawed in any case.

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The Grinch stole Christmas, he accidentally dropped it and Christmas was ruined for everyone life sucked -shane,Adam,David and Riley go cry about it

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We just got a letter We just got a letter We just got a letter I wonder who it's from Oh look, it's a letter from our friends If there is a place you got to go I am the one you need to know I'm the Map! I'm the Map! I'm the Map! If there is a place you got to get I can get you there I bet I'm the Map! I'm the Map! I'm the Map! I'm the Map! I'm the Map! I'm the Map! I'm the Map! I'm the Map! I'm the Map! I'm the Map! I'm the Map! I'm the Map!

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Was in a coma, survived trough smoke and mirrors, and I had 3 separated sections of my order in order to test the efficiency of my words, united we are about 6.800.000 people. Excuse my anger below, I mean I was in a coma and ended up on some hard painkillers, and while I am still tapering down on a "totally medicinally safe" dosage of 20 mg valium its a bitch, even for a guy that enjoys a mild painkiller every now and then in order to focus. Excuse my excessive typing, its paincontrol vs the stress and all 64 side effects of valium. I am alive, and my followers know that, I do not mean to brag, but Neronism tends to end up fucked up when I am gone with people trying to live up to what only I can do apparently, so I decided it was time to mash the separate groups together... Btw, we live at point zero now, if you do not know where that is, I can inform you at later time. But be quick about it if you have more questions, we only chat on horsehead due the "discussed hours"

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What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench? A bench is an inanimate object and a Mexican is a human being.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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