A duck flies into a bar. The bartender allows it to stay because it turns into a beautiful swan. The goose then lays a golden egg and the bartender stares in awe as a giant bean stalk grows out of the egg. He's ecstatic and really glad he let the flamingo stay with all the wonderful colors and magic going on.

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Once upon a time there was a small poor boy in a small German village. Her was name Smalls. Later he found out that he had to go back to Virginia because of their family then she got milk and went to the play that night like he was planning, and it was probably a problem with the clutch or transmission. It was fine because Smalls was 64 years old.

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What's a foot long and slippery, a slipper

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Why did the camel climb Mount Everest? Actually, he wasn't a camel, he was a very experienced mountain climber. In any case no one really knows why he did it.

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A tortoise went for a run. It took him two hours to get around the corner.

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A man walks into a bar, the other man ducks.

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You read this in school as the kid sitting next to you stares at his computer screen.

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That awkward moment when Amish mingle has a member

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A black man and a muslim enter a bar. The Black man pulls out a gun in an attempt to commit a robbery, however the muslim opened his jacket, screamed "Allah Akkbar" and blew himself up. Everyone died.

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Why does the kid cries when he sees me? Cuz i took his lollypop last week.

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Why can't february march Because april may

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Why did the penguin die? It got eaten.

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what did the paraplegic get for his birthday? a bike...

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whats worse than having ants in your pants? getting sotomized by a lightsaber

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Midgets' mouths are perfect height for, kissing other midgets.

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3 men walk into a bar, and the fourth guy behind them had the sense to duck under it.

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Why did the old man die? He was old.

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A horse walks into a bar and the barman asks, "Why the long face?" The horse, being a horse and thus unable to speak or comprehend the complexities of conversation, does not reply and shits on the floor.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it has a serious crack addiction and there was a drug dealer on the other side.

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What do you call a white basketball player? A very athletic hardworking dedicated human being.

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A guy asks, "Why was my mom in your bed?" The other guy replies, "Because your mom has a mental disease which inhibits her ability to process thought."

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Why didn't the woman have a penis? Because she was female.

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What do you call Mexicans who go to jail? Criminals.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the first monkey.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops