roses are red so is ur face dont look at me like im a crazy bitch

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was blind and deaf.

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Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to screw in a dog house, if your parents are a washing machine and a dryer? A: Trick Question, dog houses can't fly!

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one man walked into a bar and ordered a beer. when he was drinking the beer he choked and died

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Yo mommas so fat that when she walked into the ocean all the whales were far away. However, if the whales did happen to be closer to your mom it would be highly improbable that they would sing.

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Whats the worst part about being fat. Your fat.

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why did suzie fall off the swing? because shes autistic and her mother likes to abuse her.

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"Why is Barney green and purple?" "Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way."

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What's the difference between tires and a black guy? Tires don't scream once there are chains around them. ;)

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What's the opposite of a joke? An anti-joke. You're reading one right now.

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Nothing. He made it home safely.

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Why did Harriet Tubman have to take the underground railroad? Because she was a fugly slut.

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Why couldn't the dwarf mother reach for the top shelf? Her height was at a mini-mum.

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What did the girl say before she jumped a bridge? "Do you think I can jump off this bridge?"

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how do you get an old man to fall? tip over his wheelchair

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Knock Knock. Whose there? The Police, you wife died in a car accident.

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hi hey i hate you why you ate my mother she tasted good i like fried chicken ITS A SMALL WORLD! SO DO I well lets go to the beach ok

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Q: How did the black man get the white man's money? A: He walked up, politely asked if he could borrow some money, and told him he would pay him back tomorrow.

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I have an excuse why one leg and one arm ar shorter than the ather two. I was born sideways and pulled out by an arm and a leg, trust me im not stupid or gay... ASSSSSSSSSSSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..........................That was my turrets kickin in and i have dislexia if i didnt spell turrets right

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man returns and says, "My friend does not have a pulse, so I stand by my prior assumption that he is dead."

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What is the difference between a watermelon and a baby? One's fun to smash and the other is a watermelon.

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How do you kill and red head? Throw your mom at them!

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Why did the old man go to the retirement home? The 75 year old man had a 45 year career in pluming and he thought it was a good time to retire after saving enough money to be happy and he could spend the rest of his life with his wife. The retirement home was also not that far away from his grandchildren so he liked the location and the home was also very clean and the workers seemed very nice. But this was just a visit to see if he liked it, he may live there soon.

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How do you catch an elephant? Dig a nice deep hole in the ground, and fill it with ashes. Next, line the outside of the hole with peas. When the elephant comes to take a pea, kick it in the ash hole.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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