Why did the man have a heart attack? Because he suffered from high cholesterol and cardiovascular disease.

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Instructions to make origami. 1.) Staple bagels to face 2.) Ask someone else to do it. 3.) Hang yourself because you are too stupid to figure it out yourself

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Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he uses the best ingredients.

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What did the spoon say to the other spoon? Nothing, it is a spoon.

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh

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Why does Jimmy Neutron have a big head? Heredity.

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Customer: Waiter, waiter, there is a fly in my soup! Waiter: Sorry madam.

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what does a chair look like? a chair.

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Two parrots were sitting next to each other. One parrot said "hey" The other parrot replied "hey" therefore making the first parrot say "hey" which made the other parrot say "hey" again making the... this conversation, comprised of just one word lasted a very long time. aproximately 16749 hours.

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homosexual rights to marriage

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you know whats worse than cantaloupe? no cantaloupe

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In Soviet Russia, there was a population of approx. 293,047,571 people. It was dissolved in 1991, it is now know as Russia or the Russian Federation.

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What did the waitress do when the man asked for pizza? She ran away

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Beacuse he got kicked out of the bar

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what is black and is a really bad neighbor. your bad neighbor wearing a black shirt.

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You wanna know what's totally out of this world? The moon.

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What happened to the hungry child? He got out of Africa

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What do you call a burger made from children with Aspbergers? Cannibalism

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Mr Mac reminds me that no matter how hard you try you will always lose your hair

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One of my nipples is a different colour from the other two. Is this normal? The Doctor replied with the answer no and said you have cancer

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Pete and Repeat were on a boat. Pete fell off. Who was left? Repeat. Yeah.

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Little johnny raised his hand one day in class and asked if he could use the restroom. The teacher said he had to say the abc's first. Johnny successfully recited the abc's and then proceeded to use the restroom.

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A little boy is going to school when he is stopped by a stranger. The stranger tells the little boy, when his teacher asks him why he is late, just say willytop. The boy looks at the stranger oddly, but proceeds to go to school. He arrives 5 minutes late, and is teacher isn't that happy. His teacher asks him why he is late. All the boy says is Willytop. The teacher looks at him horrified, and sends him to the office. Well, the boy arrives in the principals office, and the principal asks him why he was sent down. All the boy said was Willtop. The Principal was so horrified that he expelled the boy from school. Well, the boy went home, to find his parents in the living. They told the boy they knew he was expelled, but they wanted to know why. All the boy said was Willytop. The parents were so horrified by this that they kicked him out of the house. Well, the boy is now walking to dark town streets, when he is stopped by a cop. The cop asks him why he is walking the streets alone. All the boy says is Willytop. The cop is so disgusted, that he kicks the boy out of town. Well, the boy is now sitting in a bar, and the bartender asks him why he is alone. All the boy said was Willytop. The bartender looked at him horrified, but before the bartender could say anything, the boy says "Please sir, I was kicked out of school, my house and even my hometown because of willytop. what does it mean sir?" The bartender nods, and tells the boy to come with him across the street, because if he tells him in the bar, the other people may get mad. Well, the boy and the bartender are across the street from the bar. The bartender opens his mouth, but before he could speak, a drunk driver hits them both.

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What do you get when you cross rice flour,vegetable oil,corn oil,cottonseed oil,soybean oil,dried potatoes,corn flour,maltodextrin,wheat starch,modified rice starch,sugar and mono-and-di-glycerides,malted barley flour,wheat bran,dried black beans and salt? Pringles,Multi Grain,truly original

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops