A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but it nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.

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News:Little boy found dead in old man's white van. Turns out the old man goes to the store and when he comes back the little boy chokes on an apple.

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Why was billy sad because in the morning he witnessed his mom get stabbed in the throat repeatedly by a clown then he saw the clown in the cop car but his mask was off and it turned out to be billys dad

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How do you make a plumber sad? You kill his family.

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What do you call 17 blondes standing in a row? most certainly not Charles because it seems as though it would be incrediblely unlikley that a girl would be named Charles

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How do you get a black kid to sleep? A cup of warm milk and maybe a lulluby should do it.

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Q. Why did Sally fall off the swing? A. She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm going to murder you Did you look behind you?

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A man falls off a building and dies on Impact

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Knock knock! Who's there? Alexis. Hi, come in!

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What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved

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Why did the black guy get hit by a train? I strapped him to the tracks

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Why did the small 12 year old run away which a chicken. He felt like it and he was carrying bread which the chicken was allergic to.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? The answer is not definitive and involves several factors including the size of the woodchuck, the woodchuck's teeth, the climate in which that woodchuck lives, and the tenacity of that particular woodchuck at achieving his goal.

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How do you blind an Asian man You stab him six times in each eye socket and drop cyan pepper in his eye wound.

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what's small, red and sits in the corner? A naughty strawberry.

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what's black, white, and red all over? A nun in a blender

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Why is the white man sad? Because he watched the titanic

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What's worse than stubbing your toe? Nothing. Stubbing your toe hurts like hell.

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What's worse than the holocaust? Finding half a worm in your apple.

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Why is my penis 2 inch hard? Because I rape little boys with it and there tight little asshole are crushing it

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Q:Why couldn't the man lick his ice cream? A: Because he lost all of his tongue due to the chemicals of cigarettes.

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Q: Why did the Asian man get fired from his job? A: He sexually assaulted his co-workers

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What's the difference between an orange? A bicycle because a vest doesn't have any sleeves.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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