Kid A:We're home alone, you know what that means. Kid B:Cover ourselves in vaseline and slide around like slugs on the kitchen floor? Kid A:Yes

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I'm rubber and you're glue, neither one of us say anything because inanimate objects can't talk.

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Knock Knock... Who's there? JUST LET ME IN!

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How do you burn alot of calories? Set a fat kid on fire

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Jimmy: I'm like hey, what's up, hello. Jon: I've already met you.

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A man looks both ways before crossing the street. He gets hit by an airplane.

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I started writing poetry the other day: POETR That's coming along nicely.

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Whats worse that having cold soup? Cancer

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What do you call a school bus full of black people? A school bus

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Why did the clown go to jail? He murdered a thirteen-year-old girl.

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Hey I just banged you, and it was crazy, delete my number, and keep the baby.

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Why did the sloth cross the road To fuck your gay cousin

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How did the lazy fat boy burn a lot of calories? He set his fat friend of fire.

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A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

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So a platypus walks into a bar. He orders a drink and then goes home drunk. His wife doesn't approve of his drinking, so she took her children then left. The lonely platypus wandered around for days on end in the lonely silence. He realized he wanted a job, but he couldn't get one, and i lied. it wasnt a platypus. it never even haooened i wasted your time.

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You know what makes me smile? Face muscles.

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wanna hear a joke? womans rights

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What kind of cheese isn't yours? Someone else's.

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what types of people have big noses? people whose parents both carried the recesive gene.

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Why did suzy not eat her breakfast? because i stapled her to the table.

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Why the long face? My face isn't long, it's the same shape as everyone else, retard. I meant why are you sad. I'm not sad.

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Whats the difference between the NBA and the WNBA? NBA players make more, have more fans, and play a real sport.

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Why did the boy get hit by a wrecking ball? Because he picked up an upside down penny.

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what did the handicap, gimp kid get on his test? I cant tell you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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