What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed? Nothing.

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Q: If your 17 year-old-daughter is a drug addict, how many cartwheels are you going to have to do to make it to Georgia? A: The French Revolution, because your grandmothers facebook shows an 11 year-old selling Concords to a green alien, which can only mean that over 600 people watch porn daily.

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What's red and weighs a metric ton? An apple, my scale wasn't calibrated

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If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress? Deteriorate

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Two gay guys walk into a bar. You think the second one would notice...

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Erron who the hell are you? How many people are you going to use before you finish whatever the fuck is on your agenda?

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Two men walk into a bar. You would have thought that the second one would have seen it.

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What happens when two Mexicans walk up to blonde and a red head sitting in car? The Mexicans attempt to smash the windshield with crowbars because they have issues with anger. The redhead turns on the car and reverses safely.

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justin bieber over spongebob *snicker*

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I found a lump on my right testicle. So, as a precaution I went to my local hospital to have myself checked out. Thankfully, it wasn't accute testicular cancer. Instead I only had to suffer for a few months, but it's getting better now. Sadly, I won't be able to have children and now my semen has a somewhat unsavoury flavour. Thanks for asking.

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Roses are red..... violets are blue...... I have a gun get in the van

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God told John to come forth and recieve internal golry forever. John came fifth and recieved a toaster.

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what will you do if you become a ruler of the world? Waking up, its just a dream GET REAL!

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Feel free to call me, forget the money, as for my fucking eye, I just sure as hell hope those responsible are rotting in prison. I mean I just lost an eye right? Just kidding, I am the one who has been dead wrong here, I judged you wrong, I am the fuck that seems to feel responsible for the actions of others at times, then again I thought that you where sending them against me, they surely claimed they where, but fuck, people use all sorts of things and people as an excuse to do whatever the hell they want.

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Wait what? What if you use the what what? Sorry I am still like super hypnotic trippy, dont worry though, I dont want it to end.

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Black guy something something. Anti-racist punchline.

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why did the irishman need plastic surgery? because after the bear attack where there used to be a face there is now a gap

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Q: What did they call the dude who was stuck on a deserted island? A: Incontinent.

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If Santa and a Blonde woman jump off a building who hits the ground 1st? They both do due to Galileo's discovery of two objects with different masses but similar densities hit the ground at the same time.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She has no arms. Knock, knock Who's there? Not Susie

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Q: What's worse than getting hit by a bus? A: Herpes, AIDS, Diarrhea, Constipation, Castration, Super Herpes, or the song "Friday."

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What did the world's greatest bowler say when he got a gutterball? "Spare me the irony!" Get it? It's because he's made of metal.

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Why does Billy Mays yell? He doesn't, he's dead.

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Why did andy fall down Because his friend pushed him over

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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