whats better than the london bridge burning down... all the jews burning down and getting put in bins .

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How do you kill a vampire? Because vampires are figments of society's imagination and actuall living creatures, this task is impossible.

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When I find out where you live I'm going to burn down your house, kill your family, and while your crying in you demise I am going to slit your throat.

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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Hey dude. who died.... crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets YO MAMA

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knock knock who's there who who who and if u sat something about an owl I'll kick u in the face u fat cike

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An Irish man, Scots man and a Welsh man walk into a bar. The barman says, "what is this some kind of joke?!" Peter, who lives in Cardiff, returned home, depressed that he is viewed as some sort of clown. It reminded him of when he was a school boy; a giant spot appeared on his nose. The kids just laughed at him. "Don't worry Peter" he said to himself, "It will all be over now... He later hung himself. His family have been informed.

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Prince of bell air with Keanu Reeves: SMIIIIIIIIIIITH! DID YOU DESTROY MY COUCH? Neo: ... WELL DID YOU BOTHER CARLTON DOING HIS STUFF? Neo... Will you shut up then? ... Intro: This, is my story, read the text, thank you.

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Paul walks on a bridge. It collapses.

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What did the boy with no legs get? A treadmill.

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What did one jew say to the other? Hello.

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nickel back

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Why do the lesbians where pants? Because they are extremely comfourtable and the best for cold days

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Have you seen stevie wonders new house No Neither has he

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What's worse than no christmas? Taking a chainsaw to the face.

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why didn't the baby cry once it came out of the womb? because it was a stillborn.

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Quaint? Oh yeah? YOU ARE QUAINT! No seriously, whats that word all about.

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Why do people where saggy pants that don't fit? They can't afford too buy new

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Q: what happens if a black guy says hi person? A: he says hi person

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What did the cat say to the dog? Meow

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What caused the man to become blind? He took an arrow to the knee.

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Lucas talks to mom she says hi

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How did the marines cross the minefield safely at night? Under a full moon

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Too many because they are babies and they don't have the motor skills to properly use a paintbrush.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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