How can you tell if your wife is dead? She won't have a pulse.

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Person 1: I'm really sleepy. Person 2: Then go to sleep.

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what did the teacher say to his student? do your work.

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Sorry we dont serve time travlers here. A man walks into a bar.

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A baby crawls into a bar. He cannot walk.

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Top 10 Signs You Might Be Lonely and in Need of a Friend 10. Your closest friend has a skull tattooed on his knuckles and goes by the nickname bruiser. 9. You are becoming a little too fond of chess and pocket protectors. 8. You parents complain that your friends are a "Pack of wild chickens"-and it's not a figure of speech. 7. You follow your mailman around in hopes of a good conversation. 6. A cop pulls you over for speeding, and you add him to your Chistmas card list. 5. Your equation for a snappy party = TV remote + bean dip. 4. You forward e-mail jokes to yourself regularly. 3. You six best friends are Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, Ross, and Rachel. 2. You've named all of your roaches. 1. Phone solicitors hang up on you!

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What do you call a white man sitting between two black men on a bus? A group of three people having a friendly conversation about the upcoming football season.

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John is at the movies, when he drops his cookie on the floor. A passer-bier accidentally steps on it as he's about to pick it up. "Sorry" says his man. "I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles" said Terry. The man then proceeds to murder Terry.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I am schizophrenic ...and so am I

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Obama

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Why did the chicken cross the road. He didn't, this joke gets old really fast

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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What's big and white and wilbkill you if it falls from a tree? My dick.

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what is worse finding a worm in your apple? Finding a grub in your apple.

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what's the easiest way to tell time? a clock

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Why was the man sent to the hospital? He got crushed by a flying refrigerator.

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Why are blondes so dumb? They aren't dumb they just have prejudice against them

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What's blue, wriggles around, and sits in a corner? A dying baby in a plastic bag. What's green, doesn't wriggle around, and sits in a corner? A Christmas tree. The current homeowners were never made aware of the atrocity committed by the previous occupants.

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What did one liar say to the other liar? I'm very honest.

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how many babies can fit into a microwave i dont know i havent tried

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One day a black guy bought some fried chicken. The clerk said: Lol you guys always eat chicken! Lol said the black guy, yeah I am here a lot. Clerk: No I meant your kind of you know... I KNOW WHAT? Clerk: You guys at the studio next door! Oh, yeah, lol I almost thought you meant my skin color! Clerk: You fucking Negroes always thinking we are racist...

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why did the man slip on the knife? he wanted to commit suicide

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how do you crash a party? You dont because that would be rude.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To run away from a fat emo girl with a knife

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops