Whats grosser than a bloody hand? 2 bloody hands.

thumb_up thumb_down

A man walked in to a bar, he ordered a few drinks, met some new friends and had a good laugh with them. Later that night, he got in his car and drove home, which was foolish, as he should have known that being under the influence of alcohol increases the percentage of a collision, which could take his life and the lives of others. He arrived home just fine and got in to bed with his wife who was happy to see him.

thumb_up thumb_down

A black man walks into a bank with a gun. He then clocks in and takes duty because he is a security guard at the bank.

thumb_up thumb_down

YOUR MOTHER IS SO FAT that she sought a relevant support group. My understanding is that she tried Overeater's Anonymous and lost a few pounds, but it meant more that it improved her sense of self-worth. She's more comfortable with herself as a somewhat overweight woman, and a much happier person now. We're all very proud of her.

thumb_up thumb_down

What starts with an N, ends with R, and you arent supposed to say? Never

thumb_up thumb_down

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face"? The horse does not respond, because it is a horse and lacks any cognitive ability to speak or understand English. Instead, it becomes confused by its surroundings, takes a dump on the floor, and gallops out of the bar knocking a few tables over in the process.

thumb_up thumb_down

why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the sadistic farmer with a loaded shotgun (as the farmer has an extremely large score to settle with the chicken, as his wife was dead, a cause of mad cow disease, an STD from the chicken, as the chicken is a pimp) thus escaping captivity and starting a new life as a free chicken. God save Martin Luther KIng

thumb_up thumb_down

A: Who keeps knocking on the wall? B: My neighbors have sex a lot. A: We should knock back.

thumb_up thumb_down

a little girl is playing outside of her house when i man in a van approaches her and stops to ask if the girl will help him find his puppy and that he has some gandy. seeing as the girl has a great love for animals she gets in the van. the man and the little girl drive around until they find the puppy. the man is so overjoyed her rewards the girl with candy. he then drives her back to her house and she feels wonderful having helped the man find his puppy. the end.

thumb_up thumb_down

How do you tell the difference between a white family, and an albino black family? The albino black family suffers from a lack of pigmentation, while the white family just has a naturally pale skintone.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why couldn't little Susie ride her bicycle? She had Cerebral Palsy.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down

zx

thumb_up thumb_down

there is nothing better than waking up to realise that your being hugged by your partner unless that partner is not home

thumb_up thumb_down

Whats worse than the holocaust A: not much

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the pig cross the ocean? So he could be eaten by Americans.

thumb_up thumb_down

What's small, white, and it killed Bruce Lee? Aspirin.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did the raped girl say to the doctor? Nothing she was dead on arrival.

thumb_up thumb_down

if a dog won't bark, there's no way you can teach it to talk.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did the mentally retarded kid get in his iq test drewl

thumb_up thumb_down

10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope, and Jonny Cash. Now we have?

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you get if you cross a horse with a cow? A horse and a cow.

thumb_up thumb_down

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They took away her Gameboy.

thumb_up thumb_down

What is the difference between a Mexican and a bench? One is a person and one is an inanimate object

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops