Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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A group of blondes rent a car and decide to drive to Disney World. Along the highway, they see a sign reading "Disney World left." They exit the highway, turn left, and enjoy their well-deserved vacation from practicing law.

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Why did the chicken cross the street? Because the light was red and cars had stopped.

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What do you call a man that likes to play baseball? A Baseball Player.

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Just checked my Tesco burgers in the fridge and they're still within the use by date.

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What's the difference between a ghost and a dolphin? A ghost isn't a dolphin.

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We could have had it all Rolling in the deep You have my heart inside of your hand As you've just now inexplicably ripped it out of my ribcage.

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Why do beavers have flat tails? They don't know but their relatives certainly get upset

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What is the difference between an anti-joke and a joke? The word anti before anti-joke.

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How can you tell Santa is racist? He doesn't give Africans presents.

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How do you confuse a blonde? Beat her with a spatula while in a mankini with a dildo up your ass!

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 cantaloupe.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldn't she get up? She had no legs. Why did noone help her up? She was fat.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? How the hell should I know? I'm not a chicken :/

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Knock knock. Who's there? No one, because your house burned down.

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A man walks into a bar with a chicken on his head the bartender asks the man why do you have a chicken on your head the man replies the chicken is thirsty

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Words with two W's or N's in them are awkward and unnecessary.

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I will slap myself once for every like this joke gets!

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- Mom, you have a banana in you ear. - What? Son I can't hear you, I have banana in my ear.

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What did the clock say to the book? I have no batteries.

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Q: What did the air freshener say to the car??? A: Nothing. Air fresheners are inanimate objects

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why did the koala fall out of the tree? because it was dead

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What do you do to get someone to shut up? You hit with a brick

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Q: why did the black man kill the white man? A: he was clinically depressed, mentally unstable, and had a grudge against the white man that had nothing to do with his race.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops