What do you call a black man that flies a plane? A pilot you racist bastard!

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George W. Bush

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"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "GESTAPO! AUFMACHEN!!!"

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How do you make a plumber cry? You steal his princess

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Why did the old man cry? Because he had just witnessed his wife die.

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If I had xray vision I'd go to a black jack table and when the dealer dealt everyone there cards I would look at the hot girls boobs

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What's the difference between a paper towel and a crab cake? Ones a paper towel and ones a crab cake

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Why was the clown in red shoes wearing skis? Because he likes to ski in red shoes, and he's a clown

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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Due to the height of the fall, one of his ribs pierced his heart and he also suffered extensive head trauma and internal bleeding due to the force when he hit the floor, where he lay in agony for several hours before dying a slow, painful death.

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Three jews walked into a bar I lied, it was a gas chamber

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Jimmy comes home from school one day and goes to his mother. "Mommy, guess what?" "What?" "I had sex with my teacher today!" Naturally after hearing such news the mother gets appalled and tells her husband. "Well, that's my boy" he says "Now that your a man Jimmy we're going to go out and get some drinks tonight be ready in a half an hour." So they arrive at the local bar "Wait here son, you can sit down and save us a table and I'll go get the drinks ok?" "No dad I think I'll stand" "..why? What's the matter son?" "My butt hurts"

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Yo mama so fat, when she went to a party, they took the apple from the roast pig's mouth, and they put it on her mouth.

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A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads: "A rare bearlike mammal (Ailuropoda melanoleuca) of the mountains of China and Tibet, having woolly fur with distinctive black and white markings. Also called giant panda, panda bear." Seeing absolutely nothing in this description that would rationalize the homicides the panda had just committed, the bartender arrived at the reasonable conclusion that the panda was psychotic and having severe psychological problems which probably caused the incident. The bartender couldn't help but wonder if this tragedy could've been avoided had the panda been properly screened for schizophrenia and guns been properly secured in a safe at the panda's mother's house.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? Dead babies can't paint.

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what did the cerial killer get for christmas an electric chair

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Why did the blonde stay in the five-star hotel? She had enough money.

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Q: What's 1 + 1? A: I don't know, I am an African who was bought up in the famine my mother died, my father starved. I have to sell myself to feed my sisters. I never went to school and drink my urine every second day because I have no water.

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Tom buys his wife Mary the latest Eco friendly car. The car is said to go well over 100 miles on a tank of gas. A week later, Tom is stunned to learn that when his wife was driving to the supermarket the car ran out of gas, despite that the tank was full and she only drove 5 miles. How is this possible? Mary was involved in a horrendous car accident that caused the fuel to empty and catch fire. Mary survived but their 6 month old baby was killed.

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What did red say to yellow? Move over orange is coming now.

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An over weight person is diagnosed with anorexia they used to be fatter

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Just found out that it doesn't work.

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Justin Bieber walks into a bar. <>

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Q:what is the most annoying word that means nothing? A:every word has a meaning your question is invalid. ~Phish <3

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A man is sitting on his couch. The lights go out and his TV begins to float away. He breaks down into tears believing he has been cursed for a crime he commited earlier.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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