Think of the worst thing you know of and add dead babies

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you touch yourself at night.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It wanted to commit suicide

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Chris is hairy

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen." The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "That driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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What does Mitt Romney approve of flip flops? They feel good on his feet.

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Not lying Red, I have my contacts, I am a "facilitator", I pull strings for my employers, and sure the FBI has me on their files, after all we have cooperated with them. Not because I wanted to, but because its my job, and it helps me use the best of my abilities and limited education (I am technically an educated lawyer, and not an agent).

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Why did the boy drop his icecream cone? Because of the shock of seeing his dead family.

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What do you call a blonde in a library? Lost

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Why was the snowman afraid of the sun? Because he would melt that day and die

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A jew walks in the german bar, the jew is captured tortured, raped, and shot along with his entire family

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What do you call a low-fat banana? A nothing...

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“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

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How do you keep children off your lawn? Touch them.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting a girl pregnant.

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Why did it take Da Vinci so long to paint the Sistine Chapel? Because it was painted by Michaelangelo.

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roses are red violets are puffy i am a donkey i ate some water

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Why did the little girl walk into the wall? Because she was blind.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I hate you so suck on poo.

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Why can't penguins fly? Because their wings are adapted to swim and not to fly

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Why did the little boy stop looking for his ball? Because he found it.

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why didn't the boy get his soda Because the cashier shot him

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You just sunk my battleship! 5,000 people just perished at the bottom the ocean in a war for pointless political reasons.

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Why wasn't the black kid allowed in the school? Because it was the Southern United States in the 1930s and due to racial tensions at the time most public facilities were seperated by race.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops