Q: A blonde, a red-head, and a brunette all jump off the bridge at the same time. Who hits the ground first? A: As stated by Sir Isaac Newton's third law of gravitation, all three fall to their deaths at the exact same time because the velocity of a falling object is unaffected by the mass of that object... or their hair colour. Idiot.

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How did the chef bake 20 muffins for the king? My name is Bob.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man returned and said, "My friend does not have a pulse and he is not breathing, so I stand by my prior assumption."

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Why did the black man have sex with the white woman? Because they were married.

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ADAM SAS IS A GREAT GUY!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because a man holding a shotgun was chasing him

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who is not good looking? mon morello

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You know what happens when you assume? You make a judgment based on incomplete information.

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Whats the difference between a dog and a piranha? Their names.

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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light-bulb? I'm melting!

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What's your star sign? Cancer. Oh you're gonna die. AWKWARD.

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How did Bob survive the plane crash? He didn't

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A penguin walks into a bakery. The baker asks the penguin: "What kind of bread would you like? Brown or white?". Penguins answers: "Well, it doesn't really matter since I came here by car!".

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What did the kid with no arms or legs get for christmas. A new vest and a puppy because his father got a promotion and a much higher pay raise.

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Q. What do birds and a mouse have in common... A. Nothing there two different species

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How come the man could read the directions? Because it was right side up.

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Roses are blue Violets are red I shot your valentine Straight in the head

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A horse walks into a bar. "Rough day?" says the bartender. UUUNNNHHHHH!

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Why dose my mom have a penis? She is a man

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What do family members and a loaf of bread have in common? If you smash them with a hammer they die.

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What is the difference between an apple and an apple? One has a brown spot.

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What do you call a Middle Eastern man flying a plane? A pilot

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If youve ever seen the wizard of oz movie and family guy, then u get what i mean. Hes a PHONY! a BIG FAT PHONY!

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I had 99 problems Solved them all

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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