Why did the little girl fall from the swing? She's got no arms.

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Mr. Wonder, optimism is seeing the glass as half full, pessimism as seeing the glass half empty, and realism as not seeing the glass at all.

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Little Timmy enjoyed school He went to Sandy Hooks

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Elvis presley was taking a poop and couldnt poop cause he was dead.

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Why was the man white? Because he wasn't black. All credit goes to Caravel.

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Where did Susie go after the explosion? I don't know: she was nowhere near the explosion at the time that it happened. She probably got up to use the bathroom.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for his birthday? A bike

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What mouse walks on two legs? Mickey Mouse. What bear walks on two legs? Winnie the Pooh. What duck walks on two legs? All of them, dumbass.

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A man goes to a gas station to pump gas in his car. After about 7 minutes, he leaves.

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What did Goldilocks say to the Three Bears? No one knows. Her remains were discovered three weeks later.

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What did the leperchaun get at the bake sale? baked goods.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it looking for food for it was starving to death.

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A man came home one day, drunk and feeling horny. He proceeded to the bedroom where he found his wife just getting into bed in a lace bra and sexy underwear. This turned him on even more so he cuddled up to her and whispered seductivly in her ear before kissing her neck. His wife was not in the mood for sex so she shot him

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Yesterday, upon the stair, I met a man who wasn't there. I saw him there again today; I've been sectioned. [L]

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What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.

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what's the difference between eric bristow and colin baker? eric bristow is brilliant at darts.

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Did you hear about my new Muslim friend? Hes the bomb!

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What did the red apple say when it saw a black man an irish man, and an asian walk into a bar? nothing apples cant talk.

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why did the roof cave in? It was not structurally sound do to poor architecture

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How many ADD kids does it take to change a light bulb? Wanna ride bikes?

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Why is the Mexican a gardener? He has a mental disability that makes him unable to do more than a simple task.

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When you say that Chuck Norris has counted to infinity twice. I say that you cant count to infinity because it isnt a quantifyable number

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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