What's three times More dangerous than a war? Three wars

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A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Why did the little girl keep running into things Because she was blind

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what did the lion tell the jellyfish? nothing, both lions and jellyfishes cant talk, and even if they could the chances of a lion meeting a jellyfish are remote

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If a tree falls on a woman, and no one is around to hear it, what is a tree doing in the kitchen?

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Why was the man so cold? He was in a fridge

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Q. What did the chinease man say when he got flattened by a plane? A. Nothing, he died instantly.

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Me: f*** off Asshole: YOU'RE MOM! Me: -is dead.

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What's hard, long and screws a blond? An IQ test.

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Why couldn't Gladice get out of bed? Because she was dead!

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Why did Sally fall off her swing? -she had no arms knock knock whos there not Sally

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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How do you kill half the Mexican population? through a penny of a cliff. How do you kill the other half? Tell them its still down there.

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What did the little boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? Cancer.

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i am iron man running over fat kids in my van

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What did the Mexican man say to the black man? Hello, how are you today?

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"Sticks and stones" the man said and shat on three different complex turtles

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Haikus are easy but some of them don't make sense but some of them do

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Your momma's so old, she your family should be proud to know someone who has lived such a long and full life.

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Why did the deer cross the road? To cause the car crash that killed my father when i was just 15 years old.

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A man walks into a bar. He suffers a fatal concussion and the playground is shut down by local police until proper padding is installed.

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Where does a one-legged waitress work? Wherever she can get good health insurance.

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Q: Why can't Carl drive? A: Carl is a stone

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Johny got a iphone ipad and a macbook. He bragged to his friend. His friend said, i got an apple.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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