Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? At age two, she contracted an illness that left her blind, deaf, unable to speak, and was considered backwards of intelligence. She lived in a dark and hopeless world of her own, rendering her unable to do anything, let alone drive.

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What did the cat say at his mother's funeral? Nothing. He was too grief stricken over the loss of his beloved guardian.

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A white man, a black man, and an Arab man are standing in a room. Who stole your wallet? No one, you suffer from ALS and therefore do not carry a wallet because you have no way in which to use it. To top it all off your medical bills are so high that your family would be financially better if you were to die and your dream of being an entrepreneur is slipping away as you realize that pitching an idea is difficult in a monotonous drone.

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Why was a woman not considered in the role for a stunt driver? Because her skill level was not sufficient enough for the requirements.

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How many lesbians did Tiger Woods bang? None, his standards are much higher than that

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Helena: Can u get me a pencil? Me: Sure. Me: Mr. Brandmeyer can u give me a pencil? Mr. Brandmeyer: Why? Me: I don't know. That's what Helena said.

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Q: Why was the math book sad? A: Because he recently found out that his parents died in a tragic car accident.

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Who would win if Chuck Norris and God fought to the death? None they are both fictional.

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How many black people does it take to complete the simplest task such as washing their own hair? A shitload! thats why slavery was so populer back in the day. (and gays were big then to because they had to shower together to remember to wash their hair.)

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A police officer walks into a bar. He uses the ATM and withdraws 20 dollars. After greeting the bartender he leaves the establishment and proceeds to go on duty. The cop was really friendly.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The Police. Your family is dead...

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When the mom got home from work, she was very tired. Her 6 year old son asked her nicely to make him a PB&J sandwich. She said sure and made one. Her son was very pleased and ate all of it. He knew he had a great mom. I actually lied above. The mom was killed by three men in hoodies in her back yard. They came inside and also murdered to boy. Worst of all the killers stole all of her food including the rasberries the boy was looking forward to eat. I guess it doesn't matter now since he is unable to eat anymore...

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Q: What did the kid say after he told a stupid joke? A: Well they banned me from Anti-Joke!!

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How do you get birds to land in your back yard? With a gun.

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Why Did the man Commit suicide? His body used cellular respiration to make ATP (A form of energy) and his body used it to send electrical signals to his index finger to pull the trigger on his .357 Magnum, thus putting a bullet through the soft tissue in his brain causing his body to shut down Imediately!

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Why did the mum scream at the boy? Because he was being stupid

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Roses are read Vliolets are bloo I cant spell How about you

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What did the Jewish kid get for Christmas? Nothing, Jews don't celebrate Christmas.

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What do you do when you see a person sleeping at a bus stop? You fart on their head

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I am hot he is not can you beleive it I got shot

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face" The horse responds "My daughter has cancer"

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A man walks into a bar. Realizing he forgot his ID, he leaves.

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Why did the boy fall off his bike? Because he got hit by a fridge. Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she got hit by a fridge. Why couldn't the cat drink its milk? Because it had no face.

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Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? Yes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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