Did you hear about the dyslexic that choked on his own vimto?

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Why did the man leave anti-joke.com? Because he realized that it was time for dinner and the ham was burning.

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so i was F***in this guy the other day with my penis.....shit! i mean i was F***in this girl and i jizzed

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Why did the man yell? Cause he wanted to!

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Yo mamma is so old that she lives in a retirement home for the aged, and will most likely die there in several years.

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Roses are red grass is green get on th bed and I'll fill you wilpth my cream ;)

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What do you call a swimming pool full of black people? A family enjoying their holiday.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? a fridge was thrown at her

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your mother is so fat that she probably watches her calorie intake every day

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Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar. Homo-sexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual panda just have piece?

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Two friends sit down to dinner, the third is late so they eat him

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Why was the woman crying? Because I hit her with a bat.

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because he was dead.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Which is rather deceiving, Considering that the name 'violet' should naturally insinuate that the object it is describing is violet as well. Violet as a color is generally a deep shade of purple. Therefore, shouldn't the aforementioned plant, the 'violet', be violet in color as opposed to the blue color that is most widely accepted by the general populous?

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what did the boy get after his first communion? unwanted intercourse with his priest that resulted in scaring him for life, until the day he killed himself because he could never get over it.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: WHERE'S MY TRACTOR?!

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Trees are red, Bushes are red, Oh shit, my garden is on fire

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Two peanuts were walking down the street. Well actually, they just rolled a bit and then stopped. Peanuts don't have legs.

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"The Civil War wasn't won in a day, it was won in a lifetime." -Marc Cruz

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Why did the sloth cross the road To fuck your gay cousin

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How do you wake up lady gaga? You set her alarm clock for a reasonable hour.

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2 Black men walk into the bar.. Guess what? There still black.

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Knock knock Who's there? The police, your family is dead.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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