What do you say to a homeless man sat in a train station? That there is a homeless shelter around the corner.

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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Q. Why did the boy throw up on the bus? A. All his friends around him died in the accident

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Two polar bears were sitting in a bathtub. One said to the other, "Could you pass the saop?". The other say, "What do you think I am, a typewriter?".

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Person A - you must be tired, cuz you've been running though my mind all day Person B - i have no legs...

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Why did little Sammy die of boredom? The WNBA was on

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A priest, a pedophile, and a child rapist walks into a bar. He orders a beer.

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Long joke Your such a downey

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What did the blonde say when she saw a tan button on her calculator? That must mean tangent.

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A pope meets another one

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what do you call balls on richards chin? a dick in his mouth

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What noise annoys a noisy oyster? Hispanics with their loud car stereos.

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Why did the little girl cry in school? Because she remembered her parents were both in prison. She is in a state run foster academy.

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How do you get rich? Cut chunks off a fat person with a cleaver and sell them to china.

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knock knock whos there cops o shit come on they found out about pot lets go

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If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress? Deteriorate

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How are black people and apples the same They both hang from trees

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Anti pick up line: Boy: If I could re arrange the letters I would put U and I together. Girl: Oh really because if I could rearrange the letters I would put F and U together By Adam Chebali

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Remember how I made you hypnotically cum by poking your own nose last time? When I told you that hypnotic story about the astrologer and the brain surgeon? So you wet yet? Think about how easy its going to be for me when I take out Mr.Big and slap down your coffee table with it, yeah... Feels cozy down there does it not?

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I took your mother out for a classy steak dinner. I decided not to call her agian because we weren't very compatible and the conversation was very superficial.

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Why did it take the rabbit so long to enter the rabbithole? Because he was hit by a truck and lost a lot of blood.

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Why did the boy cry Because he fell

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do you like hardcore music? ya i love brokencyde

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-Knock Knock -Who's there? -George. -George Who? -George Carpenter, Remember? We were in the same class in third grade. -Come on in!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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