A man told his daughter not to give his dog coffee. His daughter turned and told him that she was his nurse and his alzheimers is getting worse.

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Why did the Skyrim guard stop adventuring? He was killed in action and his family misses him terribly.

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What did the boy reading the book do? He kept turning pages and reading until he came to the end, closed the book, and put it back onto the book shelf.

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What sport do all black people like? This is impossible to answer because not all black people like the same sport.

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A duck walks into a bar *************************** Later that day the homeless man had duck for dinner.

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why was the woman afraid of her bestfriend he raped her

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A man walks into a bar. He's black. Its 1962. He is immediately arrested.

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A black man accidentally walks into a white man......they apologize to each other and carry on with the rest of their day.

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Ian Watkins was excited to attend the opening of the children's ward at the hospital today. It went well and the day was a success.

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Jimmy: Knock Knock Nick: Whose there? Jimmy: Joe Nick: Joe Who? Jimmy: Joe Mamma Nick: No shes dead.

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What's the difference between a lamp?

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Q: How do you count the population of Mexico? A: Take a census.

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What do homeless people get at Christmas? Cold.

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a blond goes into a taxi, the driver asks where to my friend , the blond says her desired location, gets droped off and trips, falls on her head, suffers major injuries, dies,weeks later the taxi driver drove the family to the funeral, they walk out and one of of them trips and gets back up...

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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Kid: "Tell me about when you were young, Grandpa." Grandpa: "Oh, sonny, those were crazy times. My friends and I were out of control. We used to give each other wet-willies and funny arm. We'd play dandy-balls and legs-a-spread and penis-butt." Kid: "Sounds kind of gay, Grandpa. " Grandpa: "It was gay. Everyone was. But, back then, we were called pole-fancies. It was real, good old-fashioned "grab the nearest tree and hold on for dear life" gay, not today's fancy, featherbed, thread-count gay. People got hurt back then! Kid "That's gay." Grandpa: "Yeah, it was pretty gay "

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Why the guy without two hands at the beach was so excited? Because he couldn't scratch his asshole.

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A guy walks into a bar. He orders a drink and sighs heavily, waiting to escape the reality of his broken home, his cheating wife, and his high school dropout kid.

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why did the chicken cross the road? i have no idea, i dont know what goes on in a chicken's brain. the better question would be why was a chicken loose in a city

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whats worse than killing someone? finding out your mom is your dad

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HOw do u DEFeat thE hatErsz shitted on em

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If I were a cat, would you help with the toast?

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Why did Bob fall over? He was impaled by a narwhal. -BG

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops