- Anti Joke

Why did my penis cross the road? To get to the other vagina.

why didnt the little boy say goodbye to his mom because he got hit by a bus

If you give a mouse a cookie, he will probably eat it then have a heart attack due to the high level of sugar in the cookie

What did the pencil say to the other pencil? Nothing, pencils do not have the ability to speak as they are an object.

If I met your mom before you was born, you would still be born.

Why did the plane crash into the mountain? The Pilot was a tomato

Roses are blue Violets are unicorns This doesn't make sense Refrigerator

Lucy laughed at the joke. Then realised she had gangrene.

Teddy- Last Thursday, A nice man named teddy was laid off at his local police department. Teddy was depressed, and mad at himself for his own failure. Teddy went to the library and found a book on Suicide. The librarian asked if he had his library card. He said yes, and presented it. The librarian scanned the card and checked out his book. Teddy went to his home and read a few chapters in his book, he found it useful. He then traveled to a firearms store and purchased a handgun. The clerk said that there was a sale on 40 count packages of the bullets he was buying. He said no thank you; I will only need one bullet. Teddy paid and went on his way home to find some peace. He did not find it………………… Because there was an annoying mocking bird outside his window. Teddy knew of this, and used his new weapon to shoot the bird. He only needed the one bullet because he was an ex-police officer, and had good aim. Teddy then used his new found knowledge on the topic of suicide, and wrote a remarkably well written article for a magazine he had interviewed for. Teddy knew that the prompt (suicide in the United States today) was very challenging, and he was compelled to hear how well he had done. The article landed him a new job as a writer for the magazine. On Friday, Teddy started his new job, and was delighted to learn that his new office was complete with a window that over looked the whole town. What a view, he remarked. He then threw himself out the eight story window, and landed on a homeless blind man. The homeless blind man had a coat full of newspapers to keep him warm in the winter time. And the padding suppressed the lethality of Teddy’s fall. He remarked how ironic it was that the homeless person‘s warm coat would never keep him warm again. Teddy laughed, and continued on with his fulfilling day until the police arrested him at 5:13 in the afternoon. He was a dashingly handsome toaster that supplied the town with lots of warm bread. So the police released him. And teddy and the Hooker lived happily ever after. Saturday, Teddy’s relationship with the hooker began falling apart. He was drinking now, and every now and then he came home a little too drunk. He beat and raped her………….. And nine months later they had a beautiful baby boy named Sam. They nurtured Sam till the ripe old age of 16. (Unfortunately, nurture for Teddy meant more rape and beating) For Sam’s 16th birthday, he was lead to the basement for a surprise party, where he was tripped into a wood chipper and ground into a fine pulp. Teddy added a blend of chili powder and sour cream. The hooker suggested that he should add some pickled jalapeño juice, but Teddy argued that it would be too spicy and ruin the chili. But the banana commented that he could add extra sour cream if the spice was to over whelming. Teddy trusted bananas, and added the pickled jalapeño juice. He then entered the chili in the local chili bowl competition and won second place. He was once again disappointed in his work, and went on a rampage killing all the bananas that ever betrayed him. Despite his good looks and practical use, Teddy had to face the continuances of his actions. He was discharged from his position at the local police department. Sunday, Damn, thought Teddy, the library’s closed on Sunday. The End

Why did a 36 year old Asian man stop in the middle of raping someone A: He realized that what he was doing was immoral and that it could scar someone for the rest of there lives and that he could serve a sentence of up to 35 years which would mean he would miss out on the special offers that QVC has to offer during this time

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didnt.

Knock-knock. Who's there? Penguin. Penguin who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

What did the moose say to the photographer? Moose say cheese.

What's worse than getting a apple and finding a worm in it. Getting hit in the face with a meteorite.

Why was the Muslim crying? Because his brother got hit by a bus.

A blond walks into an electronics store. Then she promptly walks out, as she got the wrong store.

Jingle bells, jingle bells SHIT MY FOOT

How do you call a cat for it's dinner? Come here cat!

why the chicken cross the road? because he just committed 3rd degree murder and was try'in to commit suicide

How do you know when an elephant is in your refrigerator Theres printson the cheese cakes

Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesnt scream when you put it in the oven!

Why did the first koala fall off the tree? He Died Why did the second koala fall off the tree? He was stapled the the first koala

STOP BULLYING FAT PEOPLE. They have enough on their plate

How do you stop a black man from drowning Get your foot off of his head

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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