What's Mackaulay Culkin's favorite salad dressing? Neverland Ranch.

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What is black and goes blub-blub? A black blub-blub. Good job. What is red and goes blub-blub? There is no such thing as a red blub-blub, you idiot.

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scenario: two teddy bears wrestling under water question: how many apples does it take to tussel with a potato answer: 96 becouse pillows dont eat chease

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Why did the blond fall down? She died.

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how do you tell a politician that you hate him? politicians can be female, too.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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When life gives you lemons you mix them with vinegar to make a drink that will help your high blood pressure.

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Dakota Fanning

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The guy told a funny joke. Why wasn't the other guy laughing? Because he was having a heart attack

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What's better than winning the special Olympics? Getting laid at the special Olympics.

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Why did Little Suzie fall off her bike? I hit her with a shovel. Why did little Suzie die? I hit her with a shovel and she fell off her bike.

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Q. What's the best thing to do before you get in a car accident? A. There's actually not much you can do in a car accident, considering you probably will never expect it, and it happens relatively too fast to react.

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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Your mom is so stupid she has trouble holding a steady job and struggles to support her family.

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I saw a woman get burned alive on the news... That woman was my mom.

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what's worse than finding a worm in your apple? finding two worms in your apple

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How many licks did it take for the owl to get to the center of the tootsie roll tootsie pop? A: Since when did owls have tounges?

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So a guy with a machine gun walks into a bank, makes a deposite and leaves.

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Knock Knock The doors already open

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Why did the little girl fall off the swings? Because at the climax point in the swing, gravity is making a much larger affect on you because you are pulling farther away from the earth as well as positioning your body in a way where it is awkward and unstable to support your body, which greatly increases the chance of you falling off and landing on the ground.

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What do you call a squirrel in my yard? Dead.

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KNOCK KNOCK who's there? OUCH! what's your door knob made of? nails?

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What is green and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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I love telling anti jokes rather than jokes because I was born with a rare case of ebola and suffer from alcoholicationism

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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