how do you make a plumber sad? Kill his family

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What's green and fuzzy and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table

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Your mother is so fat, she tried to suicide because she was unhappy with her weight. She tried a diet and it didn't work; she suffers from depression and went to see a doctor about her weight. Life is getting worse for your mother and she is starting to develop diabetes. Your relatives and cousins are going to the hospital to visit her sometime this week; the doctor says she only has about a week left before she passes away.

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Why did the boy fall off the purple cliff? Because someone cut of his legs and arms and threw him off.

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Whats worse than a baby stapled to a tree? A tree stapled to a baby

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What did the fat man say when he was offered infinite french fries for life? Yes.

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Why did 'Mister Love' get arrested? Clue: One of the most ironic things ever You can guess

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You you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you. Way do go lazy you didn't read all the you's so you didn't realize there was a yoo in there. But now you realize there aren't any yoo's there way to go.

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Why don't you ever stick your hand into the bottom of the jelly bean jar? Cuz' the black ones will steal your watch

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What do you call a girl with no arms and legs? Whatever her name is.

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How do you take a picture of a man with a wooden leg? You can't take pictures with wooden legs.

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Know what im sayin'? No but im wearing pants

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The president is invited to a party at Bill's house. Suddenly the house catches on fire. Who survived? No one, they all died.

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What is the difference between a tree and a person? Trees don't scream when hit with an axe.

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David Copperfield (the magician you moron). "I will now perform my greatest act yet!" Everyone applauded as he put the screaming woman (for effects you know) into the first end of the meatgrinder, and surprisingly grinded meat came out the other side! And the woman? She disappeared... forever! *applause* Moral: BRAVO! BRAVO!

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What's the difference between Colonel Sanders and a barrel of olives? Colonel Sanders isn't in a barrel.

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THER ONCE WAS A jueny WITH A TEN FOOT WENNY AND HE WENT TO SHOW IT TO THE LADY NEXT DOOR SHE THOUGHT IT WAS A SNKE SO SHE HIT IT WITH A RAKE AND NOW ITS ONLY FIVE FOOT FOUR!

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All the other kids with the pumped up kicks died in a school shooting.

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What's the different between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my penis up your butthole

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Whatever you do in life, give 100%… unless you’re giving blood.

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How can you tell two twin sisters apart? Look at one twin, then look at the other, and acknowledge that they are two different people.

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What is Hitler's least favorite month? July...

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Yock

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Q.who is Tiny, a lion and has no friends and is a bald eagle? A.Rory Johnston

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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